


Love and Marriage

by VisiblePetrichor



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff, Future Fic, Married Life, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-11-17 10:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisiblePetrichor/pseuds/VisiblePetrichor
Summary: "I really thought that after everything we've been through, everything we did, that somehow life would be smooth sailing for us."Moments in life, love, and marriage.





	1. "it is okay to hold your heart outside of your body, for days, months, years, at a time"

Everything is still as Seth walks through the door and goes to put the bags onto the kitchen counter. He haphazardly kicks off his shoes and tries to quietly pack away the groceries, not wanting to disrupt the rare period of silence in the house.  
   
"Shit," he mumbles to himself, when one of the cupboard doors closes a little to loudly for his liking. He stops, listens, and thanks the universe and every potential deity that the silence is not broken. He finishes the packing, tip toes into the bedroom, creeping in and peaking into the crib next to bed.  
   
He still can't believe how much little Eddie has grown in the past few months. He's nearly as tall as Seth's forearm, looks less like an alien than he did when he was born, and thank fuck for that. He leans in, breathes in the baby smell encasing the crib. Smiling to himself, and utterly in awe of the little bundle that has taken over his entire life. He moves to give Eddie a kiss on his forehead.  
   
That's when he hears the whimper.  
   
He turns towards the sound and succinctly shifts towards the en-suite. "Kate," he whispers, more concern than query. He can hear her, in the bathtub, failing to muffle the sounds of her cries. He automatically reaches for the door handle and before turning it, stops.  
   
Next thing he knows, he's out of the door, back in the car and speeding towards nowhere.  
   
The fuel light turning on jostles him into awareness. He pulls over to the shoulder of the road, turns off the car, and starts screaming. He beats the steering wheel, mistakenly honks the horn a few times, and gives up when he somehow hits his funny bone on the door handle. "Fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck," he yells. He hits the steering wheel one last time before sinking in to the driver's seat.  
   
Angry. Bruised. Defeated.  
   
He pulls out his phone from his pocket, dials Richie's number. He sighs when he looks at the time on the dashboard and realises that Richie is probably still dead to the world.  
   
His heart is still racing, palms still sweaty. "Just go back, you fucking wimp," he tells himself. "You're a pathetic excuse for a human being and,"  
   
"Firstly, I'm a culebra now, Seth. Secondly, hello to you too, asshole." Richie's voice on the other end of the line, would be the greatest thing right now, if his brother wasn't a damn idiot sometimes.  
   
"Richie," he starts, but soon stops. He doesn't know how to continue this conversation. "Seth, are you still there or did your brain forget how to form words or something," Richie teases when Seth doesn't respond in decent, normal people time.  
   
"She's crying again," he eventually says, rubbing his eyes. He's tired - of feeling helpless, of running away, of everything being so fucking hard.  
   
Richie pauses, then adds "And," clearly expecting an explanation.  
   
"And nothing," Seth confesses. "I… I panicked. I got out of there and just started driving."  
   
"You left her, again? Jesus, Seth! We talked about this. What the fuck," Richie yells into the phone.  
   
"I'm sorry, okay. I just freaked, went on autopilot I guess and landed up in the middle of nowhere and nothing. And I just…"  
   
"She's still pretending that nothing is wrong?" Richie interjects, when it's clear that Seth's struggling to fucking speak.  
   
How does he admit to his brother, admit to himself, that his wife is suffering and won't come to him for help. "…Yeah, and I don't know how to fix it" he says quietly, ashamed.  
   
"You sure it isn't about the college courses that she's doing?" Richie responds, lamely.  
   
"I don't know," he sighs, running his hands through his hair, and adjusting the driver's seat which is starting to make his lower back hurt. 

"You think it could be Amaru?" Richie asks. Seth pauses - brain cogs coming to a holt - because, what if. 

"Christ, I hope not… I know what I need to do, Richie, I just don't know where to start," he eventually concedes.  
   
"Seth, you need to screw your balls back on and go talk to your wife, otherwise you’ll never know. And, by the way, fuck face, I can’t have you consistently waking me up in the middle of the day. I need my beauty sleep.”  
   
“You’re literally dead, Richard.” Seth says while chuckling to himself.   
   
“Don’t be intolerant. I'll be in town next week. By then, you had better be over your timid sensibilities and had a conversation with your wife."  
   
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, dickhead."  
   
"I'll see you next week, brother. Give Eddie a kiss from his favourite uncle."  
   
"You mean Scott? That's weird," he says while smiling slightly.  
   
"Hanging up now, asshole. Go talk to your wife," Richie finishes.  
   
Seth hangs up the phone, re-adjusts his seat again, and drives home.  
   
_  
   
The house is buzzing as Seth walks through the door and goes to put the flowers he bought for Kate into a vase. She's clearly been in the kitchen at some point, making a snack for herself and a bottle for Eddie. God, he feels like a complete dick for not thinking to pick up food on the way. He considers running out quickly for food when he hears Eddie cry.  
   
He enters the bedroom to find Kate busy with Eddie on the bed. "Hey," she says, smiling. "You've been gone a while."  
   
If he felt like a dick before, he now feels like a dick, a set of balls, and an asshole too. He's likely been gone for hours and she looks genuinely happy to see him, not a bit of frustration or deceit in her expression. Kate before the baby, would've been chewing him a new one by now for not at least telling her his whereabouts. it makes him sick to think of how miserable she sounded earlier. How different she's been since Eddie was born.  
   
"Kate," he starts, while leaning over to kiss her cheek and take Eddie from her. After settling Eddie against his shoulder, breathing in the baby smell for extra courage, he starts again. "Baby, I know something's been going on with you."  
   
"What," she tries to interject with her brows furrowed. He continues. "And I know that I'm the biggest bastard and I’ve not supported you like a husband should, and…" 

"I don't," she starts again. "And," he continues, "that's all gonna end. It doesn't have to be today, or even tomorrow, but sometime soon we're gonna talk about what's going on and we're gonna figure out a way to fix it." He pauses when he sees her face drop, posture deflating.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, as he sits on the bed, lifts her chin, with his free hand, to look into her tear-filled eyes.  
   
"Sweetheart, don't say sorry for having feelings. I'm the moron who hasn't been there for you, and I'd never want to err… you don't have to feel erm…" he stutters. Can't fucking the remember that stupid term he learnt from that marriage blog Richie sent him. Why didn't he take notes for the speech he's been thinking about the entire ride home?

"You don't want to emotionally invalidate me," she finishes with a slight smile on her face.  
   
"Yeah, that one. We're partners remember. When you're ready to talk, I'll be here," he finishes, feeling only slightly less anxious and smiling, because she's still here and not telling him to go to hell.  
   
She looks at him, contemplating. Even though she's smiling at him, he's never felt more vulnerable. 

"Have you become smart in your old age, Mr. Gecko?" she eventually asks with a cheeky grin planted on her face. Before he can muster a worthy response, she adds, "I love you, know that? And how about I don't apologise for having feelings if you stop being so self deprecating." Her smile widening, before she yawns involuntarily. He pulls Eddie closer, and breathes a sigh of relief.  
   
"Sure thing, boss. Now rest up, Sleeping Beauty. I got the little troublemaker," he says as he gets off the bed and leaves the room before she can comment.  
   
_  
   
The next time he hears a whimper coming from the en-suite, he strides in to the bathroom, stripping his clothing as he goes. He gets into the tub with her, wraps his arms around her waist - pulling her as close as possible, and waits for her to settle.  
   
"I'm sad sometimes, Seth, and I don't know how to fix it," she whispers.  
   
Seth breathes a sigh of relief as he kisses the back of her head. "Go on. I'm right here, Partner. Always."


	2. "The reason for leaving sometimes is to return. Simply to return."

It's minute two of the third timed check-in, and Kate is ready to throw in the towel. She's read all the literature and planned as much as humanly possible, but none of it has prepared her for the agony that comes with not being able to comfort your crying child. A week into the sleep training and, even though Eddie seems to be falling asleep a lot quicker, Kate's resolve is crumbling. Why did she think sleep training an infant would be a clever idea?  
   
She honestly (naively, maybe?) thought that this would be a welcomed distraction. Seth's been away for about three weeks now, helping Richie and Kisa with culebra business. The third night after his departure, she had cleaned every inch of the house; by the end of the week, she had re-arranged the furniture three times. She knows that she's being silly. Seth is capable. He can take care of himself; she knows this. She can't help feeling that this will be the time that he doesn't come back in one piece.  
   
Kate checks the stopwatch on her phone again and sinks to the floor. It's only been ten seconds since she last checked. How is time moving so slowly? Did she unknowingly fall into an alternate universe where time moves at a snail's pace? Kate shifts to put her head between her knees and starts banging her hands on the floorboards in frustration.  
   
"Kate, what the hell is happening?" She turns her head to find Seth standing in the passage, tog bag in hand, and a very confused expression on his face. She tries to think of a witty retort, but she's deliriously happy that he's back and alive that the best she can come up with is a simple, "Hi, you're home."  
   
"Yeah, five hours on the road and finally home sweet home. Now, you wanna tell me why you're sitting on the floor while our son cries like he's being murdered?" Seth asks, as he puts his tog bag down and extends a hand to help Kate up off the floor. "I'm sleep training him. We can't go in until the five minutes are up," she says simply. She looks at the stopwatch again, a little over one minute left, and shows the screen to Seth. Seth's confusion, however, quickly turns aggressive.  
   
"You're kidding me, right? Kate, our son is crying. If you're not gonna do anything about it, then I am," he shouts. He makes a move towards the door, and Kate blocks him. She knows that she should sit him down and try to explain things to him, but she's tired and still a little frustrated, and defiance seems like the best course of action right now. She crosses her arms, raises her eyebrows, and readies herself for a fight. "Seth, no one is going in there until this stopwatch says so."  
   
"Kate, you're being ridiculous. I'm tired and our son is crying. Let me just check that he's okay."  
   
"No. Not yet."  
   
"Kate! You’re being fucking insane!"  
   
"Don't speak to me like that, Seth," she says while shaking her head, can't seem to look him in the eye. "Go put your stuff down and take a shower. I know what I'm doing."  
   
The stopwatch beeps and Kate turns to open the door to the nursery. Seth tries to follow her in, but she stops him with a hand on his chest. "Seth, you can't pick him up, okay."  
   
"What," he responds aggressively. "Just listen," Kate interrupts before he can continue. "We're only allowed to comfort him for one minute, and only with gentle touches and soothing tones."  
   
"This is the dumbest…"  
   
"Seth, I mean it, okay. This is how the programme works. He shouldn't take much longer to fall asleep, I promise," she pleads with him. Waits till he nods in acknowledgement, then walks through the door.  
   
She lets Seth move past her, to get to the crib.  
   
"Hey, buddy," he whispers, as he lightly caresses Eddie. "It's okay little man. I'm right here. Your dad is right here. I'm sorry that I can't give you hugs right now, but I swear that I'm here for you. I got you, baby."  
   
Kate observes him comforting Eddie, and dreads the time when they have to leave the nursery. The minute, of course, goes by in the blink of an eye - the universe rubbing salt in her wounds. She approaches Seth quietly when the stopwatch beeps. She touches his shoulder and goes to give Eddie a kiss on the forehead. As they leave the room, Eddie is still crying but in a significantly calmer manner. Kate closes the door and reaches for Seth's hand, feeling guilty for being hard on him when he first walked in. Seth rebuffs her gesture, picks up his tog bag, and goes to shower.  
   
Kate wants to follow him, but decides against it. She restarts the stopwatch and gets ready for another five minutes of agony. One minute and 23 seconds later and Kate realises that she doesn’t hear crying anymore. She goes into the nursery to check on Eddie, and gives him another kiss on the forehead when she finds him sleeping soundly. "You were just waiting for your dad, weren't you, kiddo," she whispers to Eddie. Eddie starts frowning in his sleep and Kate smiles. As she lightly strokes his cheek, she whispers, "I missed him a lot too, little man." She gives him one last look and grabs the baby monitor before leaving the room.  
   
She takes her time cleaning up the kitchen and locking up the house because she's not ready to talk to Seth yet. By the time she gets to the bedroom, Seth is busy unpacking the spare blanket from the cupboard with his pillow in his hand. "I think I'm just gonna sleep on the couch tonight," he mumbles to her, as he closes the cupboard and tries to walk out of the door. She moves to stop him. "Please don't," she pleads. "I'm sorry about earlier, Seth, but you don't have to go."  
   
"Kate, I'm tired; I don't wanna fight with you," he says, almost dismissively.  
   
"Fine, then let's just go to bed. I've had a long day too," she responds.  
   
He looks unsure of himself and Kate thinks her heart drops. Seth is many things, unsure is seldom one of them. She sees him take a breath, and watches as he sets down the extra blanket and climbs into bed. Kate finishes her evening routine, settles next to him in the bed, and tries desperately to switch her brain off and fall asleep. She can hear Seth next to her, tossing and turning, and also struggling to fall asleep. "This is so stupid," she thinks. She's been dreaming about Seth coming home for days now, and yet the first thing she does is start a fight. She turns to see that he's facing away from her. She shifts closer to him, wraps her arm around his waist and moves to nuzzle the base of his neck. His body feels a little stiff, but he pulls her arm closer and she can't help but feel relieved.  
   
"I really missed you," she starts when it becomes evident that neither of them are falling asleep soon. "You could've fooled me, Princess," he responds snidely. Kate flinches slightly, hates when he calls her 'Princess' in that tone.  
   
"You've been gone for three weeks, Seth. I was worried."  
   
"I'm fine, Kate. As you very well know, I can take care of myself."  
   
"You're fine, this time," she says, as she pulls away from him and rolls over to her side of the bed. He turns around to face her and reaches out to move a strand of her hair behind her ear.  
   
"Sweetheart, Richie needed me. I didn't have choice," he tells her, as his hand moves to gently pull her closer to him.  
   
"I know that, Seth. He's your brother. Believe me, I understand. I'd drop you in a heartbeat if Scott needed me."  
   
He raises his eyebrows at her comment, mouth dropping open in a mock surprised expression. "You'd leave me in a heartbeat. A heartbeat, Kate? I can't pick a lock in a heartbeat." She can't help but smile at his reaction, and pinches him in his side. "Focus, Gecko. I'm being serious here. Things are different now with Eddie, isn't it? It's not just about you and me anymore."  
   
"Yeah," he says, as he starts playing with the tips of her hair. His action makes her smile; she loves when he plays with her hair. "You were both on my mind, the whole time," he tells her.  
   
"Well that's not very safe," she retorts, as Seth pulls her in so her body is flush with his.  
   
As he kisses the top of her head, he says, "I'll talk to Richie, okay Princess. No more long-haul road trips for Papa Bear."  
   
"'Papa Bear'? No, I don't like it. We're not keeping that nickname," she tells him quickly, thinks it’s best to stop this train of thought early.  
   
"Fine, then how about 'No more long-haul trips for Daddy'?" He's smirking now as he rolls on top of her.  
   
"Ewwww, gross. Never say 'Daddy' in that tone again, ever," she shrieks, as she fake struggles against him. "I think I just threw up a little in my mouth."  
   
He pins her hands to the mattress, chuckling with her. He looks into her eyes and Kate feels him run his fingers along the scars on her arm. She stops laughing and forgets to breath.  
   
Seth pauses before he touches his forehead to hers. "I'll talk to Richie," he repeats. He gives her a quick kiss on the lips, and moves down slightly to rest his ear over her heart.  
   
She starts stroking his hair, his presence having an overall calming effect on her. She likes feeling the weight of him on top of her, helps her focus on the present.  
   
"If Richie needs you, then you should be there for him," she says.  
   
"And what, you'll maybe start Eddie on a reading schedule or just keep re-arranging the furniture?"  
   
"Haha, Captain Hilarious. I'll be fine without you," she starts, but he's looking at her, smirking in a way that drives her crazy, and heaven help her, she's missed having him around. "I'll probably try to find more productive ways to cope with my crippling concern for your safety," she says only half sarcastically.  
   
"Kate," he starts, but she interrupts him, again. "I want you to be there for Richie, but I can't pretend that I'm not scared for you, or worried that you're not coming home."  
   
"No, baby girl, that's not gonna happen," he says shifting to cup her cheek. He's always been one to reassure through touch.  
   
"Don't make promises you can't keep," she says softly. His expression saddens; he's clearly thinking about another promise, long ago, that he made to her but couldn't keep. "I don't want to do any of this without you, Seth."  
   
"Kate," he says before trailing off. He shakes his head a bit, clearly struggling to find the right words. He lowers his head again, looks her in the eye and says, "I'll talk to Richie, okay. As long as I have a say in it, you're never getting rid of me." He gives her another kiss and shifts again to put his ear over her heart, trying to pull her closer in the process.  
   
"I know, baby," she whispers as she kisses the top of his head.  
   
When she hears him start snoring softly, she pokes him on his side until he rolls over. For a criminal, Seth is surprisingly a heavy sleeper. Kate checks to make sure that the baby monitor is still on, finds a comfortable position at Seth's side and, for the first time in three weeks, swiftly falls asleep.


	3. "your heart is the softest place on earth. take care of it."

Eddie hates tummy time. Poor kid doesn't have the upper body strength to keep his head up for a long period of time. Watching him get all flustered and his little face get all red because he can't see anything except for the bed cover, is Seth's new favourite hobby. 

"Come on, little man. Just a few more reps and we're done for the day," he says, urging Eddie. 

Eddie is having none of it; his head stays down and he clenches his hands, making the tiniest fists that Seth has ever seen. Seth can't help but watch Eddie and smile. Everything this little crying ball of baby fat and cuteness does, fascinates him. He still can’t believe that something with half of his genetic code could be so perfect. 

Eddie starts bawling, and Seth is powerless to do anything else except pick him up. 

"There, there. It's okay," he says while trying to comfort Eddie.

Eddie doesn't stop crying immediately, so Seth starts looking around for the pacifier. Next thing he knows, Eddie has stopped crying and his hand feels wet. He looks down at Eddie and finds his little troublemaker trying to stuff Seth's entire hand into his mouth. Seth can't help but laugh. 

"I see your hand-eye coordination has gotten better there, mister. There may be a footballer in you yet."

Eddie responds with an unconvinced, "Gurrrnnnghd". 

"You're right, kiddo. Your mom will never let you get tackled. I think that we'll have to settle for baseball then," he says while kissing Eddie on the head. 

He hears the doorbell ring and goes to open the front door, playing with Eddie as goes. Seth still can't believe how much he's grown in such a short period of time. He wonders how much he missed out on when he was away helping Richie and Kisa with culebra business. He makes a silent vow to never be away from his family for that long ever again.

Before he's made it to the door, Seth hears bickering and sighs.

"You ready for some quality time with your delinquent uncles," he asks Eddie as he considers for a brief moment to pretend that no one is home. 

Eddie moans when Seth removes his hand from Eddie's mouth. "Yeah, you and me both," he says as he opens the door.

Seth's ears are assaulted with Richie and Scott's heated argument. Seth can't pretend to give a damn about their ramblings, but the noise is upsetting Eddie. He decides to pull rank and cut this bullshit short.

"Okay, children! Enough squabbling, you're in Daddy's house now," Seth yells above the noise.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You kiss your son with that mouth, Seth."

Scott and Richie both respond as they enter the house and put their bags down. 

"Or is that language reserved for the wife, Romeo" Richie continues.

"Shut up, Richard," both Seth and Scott yell.

Richard just smirks, and tries to take Eddie from Seth. Seth can barely hide his own smirk when Eddie makes it clear that he wants to stay with Seth. Eddie almost always wants to abandon him for Kate. Seth's not an idiot. He knows that doesn't mean he's a bad father, but it’s a nice feeling to have Eddie choose him for a change.

"That's right, kiddo. You know who's the boss here," he fake-whispers to Eddie. 

Scott finds the interaction hilarious. "Good job there, dork," he says. He picks up his bag, says hi to Eddie and, as he walks further into the house, yells, "Shotgun guestroom." 

Seth closes the front door when Richie runs after Scott to the spare bedroom. Seth goes to the kitchen to make Eddie's bottle, and wonders, not for the first time, if it was a good idea to invite dweedle-dumb and dweedle-dumber to stay for the week while Kate is studying for finals. He can hear Scott from the other room yelling, "I'm not sleeping on the couch, Gecko!"

Eddie starts getting antsy as they both wait for the formula to cool down. Seth starts bouncing him around the kitchen, humming some random tune. He really enjoys these moments with Eddie, but he's not egotistical enough to think that he can manage with him alone for an entire week. Babies are needy and demanding, and he’s just a man. He will never understand how Kate makes it all look so easy.

Eddie doesn’t really like the bottle; he's a boob-man, just like his dad, but they all have to make sacrifices so that Kate can focus on her studies. "One more week of me serving imitation grub, and then things can get back to normal, okay kiddo?" 

She had a conversation with him a while ago about how she's determined to have something of her own. In a flash, had completed her GED and registered for college courses. He's so proud of everything she's managed to accomplish - in spite of Amaru, the Twister, Mexico, and sometimes, he thinks, in spite of him. 

He hears something fall and possibly break in the other room, followed by an irritated Richie yelling, "Fucking ow, man! That hurt." Seth decides to ignore it, and instead sends a silent pray to the universe that whatever broke is not something that Kate loves.

Seth moves to the living room, ready for feeding time with Eddie. He hears the noise from inside the house get louder, and thinks how can they still be arguing? He needs to think up some genius strategy to survive the inevitable week-long argument, or he could be an adult and try to talk to them. "Only time will tell, kiddo, but it's gonna be a long-ass week," Seth tells Eddie.

He hears a door slam, and then Richie is sitting next to him and taking Eddie to feed him. "I obviously won the guestroom so I let the poor kid shower first," Richie says with the biggest shit-eating grin that Seth's ever seen. 

"I need you not to be such a dick to him, Richie," Seth says, deciding to at least try the adult approach.

"It's harmless horseplay, Seth. Bruce Lee knows I'm not serious," Richie replies, completely oblivious to the deadpan look Seth is giving him right now. 

"One, you have to stop calling him 'Bruce Lee', Richie. Two, the point of having you both here is to help out so that Kate doesn’t feel guilty for studying," Seth says as he checks that Eddie doesn’t choke from drinking too fast. Man, his kid can really knock ‘em back, but the poor thing hasn't really figured out swallowing yet. 

When Richie gives him an eye-roll in response, Seth stand up and says, "I mean it, Richard. Nothing but peace and harmony this week, or I swear I'll get you out back in the day and cook you." 

"Fine, Seth. Scouts honour. I'll be on my best behaviour," Richie says quickly, probably more to keep the peace than because he agrees.

"Whatever. Listen, will you put Eddie down? He should fall asleep soon, and I need to fire up the grill for dinner," Seth says as he moves towards the kitchen.

"Hey, Seth. Is everything okay now," Richie asks. "Kate's writing her finals, so she must be doing better, right?" 

Seth stops in his tracks and goes to sit on the couch again. "I don't find her crying alone anymore, so yeah… I dunno, she's still not the same as before," he admits. 

"A woman's body goes through many changes…" Richie starts.

"Please don’t talk about my wife's body," Seth says, interrupting him before he can go too far. Richie's knowledge of useless information and lack of a social filter means that he could probably go on until morning. 

"I'm serious, Seth. Fluctuating hormones, mood swings, plus there's the lack of sleep that comes with raising an infant. I'm surprised all new-born moms don't lose their shit and go on a killing spree," Richie says. 

"Helpful as always, Richie," Seth says as he stands again. He needs to start grilling soon or everyone's going hungry tonight.

"Seth," Richie tries again.

"It's fine. It's better than it was after she gave birth, and I'm working on a plan to help her out. Look, I gotta get dinner ready and you have to put Eddie down now. We'll talk later, okay Richie?"

"Yeah, fine. Whatever you say, brother," Richie replies, standing up to take Eddie to the nursery.

"Hey, Richie, thanks for coming this week man." Seth says as he watches his brother leave the room.

"Yeah, I've missed you too," Richie replies with a grin.

Seth smiles and goes out back, to start the grill.  
-

Seth has grilled about half of the steaks when Scott joins him on the patio. 

"Hey, I'm sorry that Richie's been giving you a hard time," Seth tells him. He hates how lame he sounds when he's trying to be sincere with people other than Richie and Kate. 

"It's fine; I'm used to it. I know you Geckos are prone to emotional constipation," Scott replies jokingly.

Seth can't miss the opportunity to mess with him, just a little. "Hate to break it to you, Fuller, but your sister's a Gecko now."

"Err, it still says 'Fuller' on her driver's license."

"Well, that's because I'm technically dead, smartass."

"Of course. I forget that my sister's knight in shining armour is technically dead. Why did she marry you, again?"

Seth pauses at that. That question should be easy enough to answer, but he's can't seem to find the right answer.

"I was kidding, dude. Geez. When did you become such a drag?" Scott teases.

Seth tries to think of some witty reply, but he's stuck thinking about these dreams (nightmares) that he's been having. The worst ones for him are where Kate lives out the most amazing life, all because she never met him. He can almost hear Kate in his head laughing at how stupid he's being. He shakes his head and focuses on what he wants to say to Scott. 

"Kate's been having a tough time, with the baby and the studying and stuff," Seth finally admits. 

"Yeah, you said that on the phone when you called last week. That's why I'm here," Scott says simply. He's not really paying attention to the conversation, but Seth knows that's about to change soon. 

"It's not only the studying," he says softly; it's almost a whisper. 

"Seth, what's going on. What's wrong with Kate," Scott asks, clearly worried. Seth has his full attention now.

"She's fine," he says quickly. Seth has to make sure that Scott doesn't freak out and accidentally kill him or something. He knows that Scott will always think that he's not good enough for Kate. 

"She's not fine. You said," Scott starts.

"Nothing's wrong, okay. She just hasn't been herself lately, okay. Look, I'm working on it. I'm gonna help her out more with Eddie and maybe get her to speak to someone."

"A shrink? You think she needs a shrink?"

"Maybe, I dunno yet. I still have to figure out the details," Seth says as he turns to Scott. He needs Scott to know that he's being serious here. "She really is okay, Scott. I promise. She just needs some help getting back to normal."

Scott nods slightly before pointing to the grill and saying, "I think your steak is burning."

"Shit," Seth says and he jumps up from his lawn chair to check the meat. It looks more well-done than overcooked, and Seth smirks. He's never burnt a steak on the grill, and he doesn't plan on starting now.

"Listen, Scott," Seth starts. He's determined not to let the conversation run away from him again. "I was thinking that your band could maybe play at Jeds sometimes?" 

When Scott doesn't reply immediately, Seth rushes to fill the silence. He needs Scott to agree to his idea. "You can obviously stay here, I know that life on the road isn't all that glamourous. It's only if you think it's a good idea. I don't know how busy your touring is… and I think it would be nice for Kate and Eddie if you were in town more," he finishes lamely.

"I'll have to talk to the band," Scott eventually replies. "But yeah, I think we can make a plan," Scott finishes. 

Seth nods in response, but he really wants to jump for joy and pull Scott in for a bear hug. Fatherhood has really made him soft. But hey, maybe the universe has taken pity on him and this week won't be a complete disaster. Maybe, soon, he'll even have Kate back. 

They fall into a surprisingly comfortable silence. Kate should be home soon, and the steaks are almost done. Seth's trying to figure out for how much longer Eddie will nap, when Scott clears his throat and says, "Thanks for taking care of her."

"It's kinda my job, so, no thanks needed," he says. He gets a brilliant idea and adds, "wait, does this mean that you finally approve of our marital union?" He can't help but mess with Scott; his joking is more reserved than Richie, anyway, so he doesn't feel guilty.

"Only a compliment, Seth, let's not get carried away now," Scott says as he stands and starts to walk back into the house.

"And I'll talk to Richie about the guestroom. I can probably get him to share half the time," Seth says.

Scott nods, goes to open the back door and says, "hey Seth, thanks." 

xxx

Kate barely registers Richie's car in the driveway, because she's too focused on the commotion coming from inside the house. She's only been away for a few hours, what on earth is happening? By the time Kate walks through the front door, the arguing becomes discernible. 

"Let me do it, Seth."

"No, I got this."

"You idiots are going to drown the baby."

"Shut it, Fuller."

"Oh please, he's fine. Babies are resilient… and unbelievably slippery when wet."

"Shut up, Richard! If you're not gonna help then get out."

Mumbling has replaced the shouting. Kate shakes her head as she approaches the nursery door. The door opens and Richie steps out of the nursery. His wife-beater and trousers are soaked; Kate can't help but laugh. 

"Katie, you're home," he greets with a grin.

"Richard Gecko, as I live and breathe," she says as he comes over to hug her. 

Richie tightens the hug, lifts her off of the ground and spins her. Despite being a grown woman, a mother, and a wife, Kate really enjoys being spun around like a ballerina. She's giggling like a child by the time he puts her down; this hug is notably longer than the others he has given her.

The spinning stops, but he's still holding her. 

"I've missed you too, you know," she says as he gives her a kiss on her forehead and finally releases her. 

"Well, lucky for you because I'll be here all week," he says with that endearing Gecko grin. He sees that he's made her t-shirt wet and a little transparent, and his grin widens significantly. She shakes her head at his antics, and then processes what he said. 

"Wait, what," she starts saying but is interrupted by renewed commotion in the nursery and the sounds of Eddie crying. 

"Seth, you're doing it wrong!"

"Just! Fuller, you're not helping."

"Kate, you better get in there," Richie tells her as Eddie's crying intensifies. "Seth grilled some steaks; I'll go set the table."

Kate goes to the nursery, slowly opens the door, and says, "what's going on here?"

The sight before her is an unmitigated disaster. Every visible surface is wet, Eddie's clothing is everywhere, and poor Eddie is covered in baby powder and crying his heart out.

"Oh, thank God," Scott exclaims. He hands Kate the onesie in his hand, hugs her, and gives her a kiss on the cheek in greeting. "Kate, I love you but I think that my ears are bleeding. Uncle Scott is out," Scott says as he leaves the nursery.

Kate laughs at her dramatic brother as she picks up Eddie and tries to comfort him. 

"It's okay, baby boy. Mama's sorry she missed bath time but she's here now," she says as she finally looks at Seth. He's avoiding her gaze, and his expression is something akin to being grief-stricken. "Seth," she says as she moves towards him and cups his cheek. He looks her in the eye and she says with a smile, "hi honey. I'm home." Seth smiles halfheartedly, appearing less agitated, but still uncharacteristically meek. She decides not to push him, but gives him a kiss and continues to comfort Eddie. Seth starts cleaning up the nursery around them, silent as a mouse.

When Eddie is calm, Kate puts him down and attempts to dress him in his pyjamas. Eddie, however, refuses to comply. Kate laughs as she tells Seth, "he does this every time I try to dress him after a bath."

"Huh," Seth asks in response.

"He cries like the world is ending, every time," she explains. 

"Your kid apparently loves being wet and naked," she jokes when Seth doesn't respond to her. 

"I really tried to have everything perfect when you got home," Seth says while running his hand through his hair. His expression is filled with typical Seth Gecko styled self-loathing.

"Seth, it's okay," she says. She hates that he's constantly so hard on himself. He makes excuses for everyone else's shortcomings, but refuses to let himself make mistakes, be human.

"No, it's not okay, and you don't have to lie to make me feel better. What kind of a father can't care for his kid," he says as he hits his fist on the chest of drawers in frustration.

"Seth, you're being ridiculous, and there's no need to take it out on the furniture," she says as she finally finishes dressing Eddie. She smiles at Eddie; his pyjamas makes him look like a tiny polar bear. She needs to remember to take a photo for Freddie and Maggie as a thank you for the outfit. 

"Whatever," Seth says as he gives Eddie a kiss and goes to leave the room. 

"Seth," she tries again, "this is my fault, not yours."

"Now you're just full of shit, Fuller," he responds in disbelieve, but stays to listen instead of leaving the room.

"I mean it," she responds in earnest. "I guess I thought that I was doing you a favour by bathing Eddie before you got home at night, but I think that I was maybe still mad at you for being away for so long. Also, I never thought that you'd ever try this without me."

"Kate, come on, let's be honest here. I'm a great con-artist and can bullshit with the best of 'em, but I'm out of my depth here," he says, looking utterly heartbroken.

"Seth, stop. You’re a great dad. This situation here, you feeling like you're out of your depth, it's not on you. I could have, should have, waited and included you in bath time. Then you'd know how much Eddie hates to be taken out of the bath and would've been prepared for this. I wasn’t thinking about you, Seth. I'm sorry for that." She really hopes that he listens to what she's saying. In an argument, Seth has a tendency to hear only the details that he thinks he can dispute. He's wrong here, and she needs him to see that. 

"Kate," he says, shaking his head and absentmindedly playing with his wedding ring. She's noticed him doing that before, when he's struggling to find the right words to say.

"Seth," she interrupts. "Thank you for bathing Eddie, and for preparing dinner, and for inviting our siblings to help out while I have to study." Seth is silent, speechless, and proceeds to nod instead. She's not convinced that he believes her, but there isn't much more she can say. As she goes to give him a kiss, Eddie leans out of her arms towards Seth. She smiles at the look of pure delight on Seth's face when he realises what is happening and takes Eddie from Kate. 

"Hey little man. I got you. You gonna growl like a bear for me? Who's ready to fly to the North Pole," he tells Eddie as he spins the both of them around. Eddie shrieks with joy and Seth laughs out loud. Kate is not the least bit surprised that a little love from Eddie is all that Seth needs to get his confidence back. 

Kate's smile widens. She still feels guilty for leaving Eddie today, but she's happy and grateful that Eddie has so many people to love and take care of him.

They all exit the nursery and go to eat dinner as a family.


	4. "i knew you. before i met you. i've known you my whole life."

"Where did you say your pots are," Scott calls out from the kitchen. Kate sees Eddie stir in the crib as she tries to close the nursery door, but he thankfully continues to sleep. Kate breathes a sigh of relief, closes the door, and checks that the baby monitor is on as she walks to the kitchen. 

"You're so lucky that Eddie is tired. In future, please don't yell in a house with a baby," Kate tells Scott when she gets to the kitchen.

"Sorry. I couldn't find the pot I wanted," Scott replies, still rummaging through her cupboards. 

"Scott, what are you doing?" She's a little concerned that Scott's going to create a mess in the kitchen. She's glad that Scott and Richie are around to help during her finals, but they're not the best at cleaning up after themselves, and Kate’s not in the mood to clean up after anyone tonight. 

"Hah, success," Scott exclaims as he emerges from one of the kitchen cupboards, pot in hand. "I'm making spicy cocoa, from when we were kids. Hey, remember when Dad tried to convince us that this was an actual famous recipe?"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. What was the name of the fictional grand-aunt who concocted this recipe? Aunt Betty?" 

"Aunt Betsy, and she was his great-great-grand aunt, from Nana's side of the family," he corrects her, laughing as they start assembling the ingredients for the spicy cocoa. She’s surprised that she has all the ingredients, because she hasn’t made spicy cocoa since she was a kid and still living in Bethel. While she’s happy with the family she has now, she can’t help but miss life in Bethel occasionally; her parents did their utmost to ensure that their kids had a happy childhood. 

"Hey, do you remember when he tried to convince us that eating a toss salad every day would give us superpowers," she asks, laughing. Sometimes she and Scott would have serious conversations in their blanket forts about their dad, because their dad told several white lies. They were worried that a Pastor should have a more serious disposition and were not sure if God would know that their dad was joking when he lied.

"I remember. That's when I was obsessed with Popeye, and Mom had to keep coming up with new recipes with spinach,” Scott says, laughing. “I think I had a notebook with daily bicep measurements.”

“I found that notebook,” Kate exclaims, and they’re both laughing loudly now, plans for spicy cocoa temporarily forgotten. 

"I really miss them, Mom and Dad. Mom especially now that I have Eddie, but Dad too," Kate admits, smiling softly and feeling a little melancholy. Sometimes, when she wakes up in the morning, there's a brief moment where she forgets that her parents are dead and she’s living a different life. Remembering the truth still makes her heart sink, even after all these years. 

"Yeah, me too," Scott says sadly. It looks like he wants to say something more, but instead decides to continue preparing the spicy cocoa. 

"I've missed you too, you know. It's been nice having you around," she tells him. She means it too, despite all the chaos in her house during the last week and the tons of added laundry. Seth has become more confident with the baby stuff, Eddie has been able to bond with his uncles, and Kate thinks that she may actually pass all of her courses. 

"Yeah, me too," he repeats, but he’s not really looking at her. She still gets the sense that he wants to say something more, but won’t.

"Okay, out with it, Scott. What is going on in that little head of yours," she says. 

"Nothing, Kate. Don't worry about it," he replies defensively. 

"Scott, what is it?" She goes to stand next to him as she speaks. She tries to catch his eye but he purposefully looks away. She instead decides to crowd him into a corner, like she used to when they were kids and Scott was throwing a tantrum. "Seriously, Kate. The milk is going to boil over," he tells her, clearly irritated with her antics. He's still not looking her in the eye. Kate nearly chokes from laughing when he looks up at the ceiling, actively avoiding her eyes; it's the same maneuver he used as a scrawny kid. 

"Seriously, Scott. You know what comes next if you don't listen to your big sister," she says with what she's sure is a shit-eating grin, and immediately starts tickling Scott in the stomach. She reminds herself to be combat-ready, because this is usually the point at which Scott wrestles her to the ground and some house furniture lands up on the floor. Scott, however, doesn't budge. He smiles a bit, probably from the tickling, but Kate's worried that his expression could also be a grimace. Kate stops tickling him and just stands in front of him, waiting for his expression to change. 

"Scott," she sing-songs in a manner she knows that he hates. She doesn’t like that he's keeping something from her. Luckily, she knows that if she annoys him enough, he'll eventually give in. 

They stand in silence for a while. Kate clearly forgot just how stubborn Scott can be when he wants to avoid talking to people. Eventually she lets him move past her to check on the cocoa deciding to give him some space, but suddenly he turns to her.

"Kate, Seth told me that you've been having a hard time," he says. “That's why me and Richie are here; that's the reason for the Jed's gigs for Fanglorious. You're having a hard time with the baby and the courses and I don't know what else, and I don't understand why you didn't call me.”

"Wait, what did Seth say to you," Kate asks. She's wondering when her brother and husband became so chummy, and started talking behind her back.

"Nothing really, just that you haven't been yourself lately and Seth thought that it would help if I were here. But Kate, that’s not the point. Why didn’t you tell me any of this," he asks her, grabbing her by the elbows and finally looking her straight in the eye. 

"I didn't tell you, because it's nothing," Kate answers defensively, going to check on the pot, suddenly interested in the progress of the spicy cocoa. 

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

"Scott, come on. It’s really nothing. So, I'm a little off with the baby hormones and not much sleep, okay. I didn't think it was anything you had to worry about. Besides, who wants to have a conversation like that over the phone?" 

"Yeah, you're right," he halfheartedly admits. "I just thought that if you needed anything, that I'd be the person you'd call."

"Scott, don't." She knows that she’d be upset if their roles were reversed, but she can't understand why he’s getting so mad. Yes, things have been hard, and she's been tired and over emotional, but that shouldn’t stop him from living his life. 

"Kate, I'm not blaming you for anything, and I know that you needed time alone after everything with Amaru. I understand okay, but it sucked that you didn't need me then - that you still don't need me. You're the person I love the most in the world, but I'm not that person for you anymore." 

"What? No! Scott, that’s not true. You’re my brother, I love you. You just don't understand."

"So, tell me!" 

"No, you don't understand."

"Then just tell me," he yells.

"I didn't want her to win," she yells back. 

“Wait, what?” He looks confused, and then asks hesitantly, "this is about Amaru?"

He looks both heartbroken and manic, and Kate cannot stand it. It makes her take a deep breath and sobers her mood. 

"I didn't want her to win, okay," she repeats quieter now. She has to think through her next words, doesn’t want to burden him unnecessarily. "You remember after Matanzas? I had to get away from everyone, because I'd constantly hear Amaru in my head. I couldn't figure which thoughts were hers or mine."

He turns the stove off and turns to face her, giving her his full attention. "Yeah, you said that you were worried she'd infect your mind and make you hate us, or something," he responds quietly. 

"Something like that,” she says. “Only her voice never really went away, like I made everyone believe." She avoids his eyes now, not looking to see his disappointment in her.

"Kate, why didn't you say anything?"

"Because it was fine, okay. I barely noticed it after a while. It became more like a slight, constant buzzing and I could handle it. But something changed after I had Eddie. I don't know, her voice is louder and it's sometimes harder to ignore," she confesses. "But it's not always loud, just sometimes. I swear I'm handling it. It's already a lot better than it was before."

"Kate," Scott says as he walks towards her slowly. He wraps her into a tight hug which seems to get tighter the longer it goes on. Kate feels overwhelmed and she has to pull away.

"I know it sounds stupid, but the thought of telling anyone would mean that she wins." 

"Wait, you haven’t told anyone about this, not even Seth? Kate, what are you thinking? You can't go through this alone." It's clear that Scott is upset with her confession, his brows are furrowed and his jaw is tense. She wants to stop and comfort him, but she's on a roll and won't stop now. 

She starts pacing around the kitchen as she continues. "Everyone has stuff to deal with, Scott. Richie's sacrificing his soul by staying in the culebra war-zone and only feeding from criminals and awful people. Seth's been clean for years but I know that his drug addiction still affects him, and they both have left over trauma from their childhood. And what about you, Scott? I saw into your soul, remember? I know how hard it's been for you to adjust to being a culebra, what you went through when you had to watch me die. I don’t see any of you eager to talk about your feelings.

"She fucked with all of us for so long, Scott. I couldn't let it happen again, not after all this time."

Kate finally stops and looks at Scott, and she can’t believe that he’s desperately trying not to laugh.

"What the hell, Scott?"

"Kate, I know that this is a serious conversation and I'm sorry for laughing, but as you were swearing - like a truck driver, I may add - I suddenly thought of Dad. The look on his face if heard how vulgar your vocabulary had become." He's clutching his stomach, laughing hard and struggling to get the words out. "Kate, he was fuming that day you stubbed your toe and said 'Heck'. I totally saw smoke coming out of his ears." 

Kate can't help but laugh at him. Then she thinks about that day with the stubbed toe and starts laughing harder too. She puts her hands on her waist and breathes out a sign as her laughing eventually stops. Scott has stopped laughing too, a small smile left on his face. 

Kate pulls him in for a tight hug and says, "I really didn't want to bother you with my drama, but that doesn’t mean I don't need you." She releases him from the hug, cups his face with her hands and continues. "I see how happy the band makes you. I didn't want you to be weighed down by my drama. I only want you to be happy." 

"Kate, if I visit more and talk to you about culebra stuff, will you stop trying to deal with everything by yourself?"

"Maybe," she teases. 

When Scott looks at her disapprovingly, eyebrows raised, she nods and says, "yeah, of course. I love you, Scott."

"Okay, good," he says as he goes to put the stove back on and starts stirring the hot cocoa. Before Kate can get the mugs out of the cupboard, Scott turns around, spoon in hand and says, "I was thinking of leaving some clothing in the guest room, seeing as I plan on staying over a lot more."

"I think we can manage that," Kate says with a smile. "Richie’s is going to throw a fit… but I'll let Seth deal with him."

"Not that I'll ever think that Seth is good enough for you, but it's kinda great that you have the infamous Seth I'm-such-a-badass Gecko whipped like cream on a sundae. 

"Haha, very funny," she retorts. "He's not whipped."

"He's totally whipped, but more importantly, do you have whipped cream to add to this?"

"In the fridge, but you ruin its authenticity with whipped cream." 

Scott predictably doesn't listen to her, and adds whipped cream to his mug of spicy cocoa. He gets a white moustache from the first sip, Kate laughs and says, "some things never change." 

"Kate, it’s just as amazing as I remember," he says with a gleam in his eye and a giant grin on his face - white moustache and all.

"I'm really glad you're here, Scott." She goes to hug him for the millionth time today and Scott reluctantly allows it.

"Kate, I love you, but enough of feelings time and hugs. I'm drinking my spicy cocoa."

"Fine, but we're not done talking yet," she says as she pours her own cup. "How are things with the band? Is there any state you haven't toured yet?"

Scott takes another sip of his cocoa and sighs in contentment before responding. "Things are going well with the band. We're looking to record a second album soon, but I don't think it's a good idea to sign with a label. How do we explain when none of us age in a few years? What, why are you smiling at me like that?"

"Nothing, I'm just really proud of you and everything that you've accomplished. Mmmmm, it is just as good as I remember," she says as she finally takes a sip of her drink. 

She can't really look him in the eye as she asks, "are you having nightmares from feeding on druggies and criminals?" 

Scott nearly chokes on his cocoa. "Well, uhm, we kind of… you see, what happened was," he stutters. 

"Spit it out, Junior."

"We mostly feed from blood bags now. But I sort of have a girlfriend who I feed from when we run out. Her name's Ayah. Wait, that makes her sound like a human blood bag; it's not like that, I swear," he says quickly.

"What? Why didn’t you say anything," Kate enquires.

"I dunno, it’s still new. She's really awesome, Kate. You'll love her."

"I'm sure I will.” She smiles at how giddy he is about this girl. “Please bring her around soon, if you want to; I'm in desperate need of female company."

"I think it's too soon for that, but maybe in the future. I haven’t decided if I want her to meet the Gecko Brothers."

"Sure, that I can understand," she says with a smile. "What was her name again, though? I don't think I've heard it before."

"Her name's Ayah; it means 'miracle' in Arabic. She's Iranian, and a bigger rocker than I am, and seriously amazing, and…"

Scott gets drowned out as they hear the front door open and the Gecko Brothers walk in. 

"Seth, I'm only trying to make Eddie smarter."

"Speaking Mexican isn't going to make him smarter, Richie."

"Mexican is not a language, Seth, come on. Listen, it's easier for him to learn a language as a baby, and studies have shown that being bilingual changes your brain chemistry. I'm referencing science here, Seth; what are you referencing?"

"I'm referencing your butt, Richard."

"Real mature, dickhead. It's evident that with your genes, Eddie's hit the intellectual jackpot."

"Whatever, jackass."

Scott makes a big show of rolling his eyes at the argument. Kate smiles as she puts down her mug to pour the rest of the cocoa into mugs, and places the pot into the sink. 

"Mmmm, something smells good," Seth says as he kisses Kate in greeting. 

"It's great-grand aunt Betsy's famous spicy cocoa," she responds, winking at Scott behind Seth's back. 

"What's so great about it? It's just cocoa," Richie says as he steals Scott's mug from his grip.

"Hey, asshole. We made enough for everyone," Scott yells.

"Holy shit, this is delicious," Richie says as he takes a sip of his cocoa.

"No shit, genius," Scott says with a smirk. "That's why it's famous."

Scott and Richie take their drinks to the living room, now arguing about what defines a famous recipe. Kate shakes her head and starts washing the pot and utensils. 

"Eddie go down okay," he asks, picking up a cloth to help with the dishes.

"Yeah, I guess. He's still a little fussy; I really think that he'll start teething soon," she says. She needs to remember to ask the doctor at Eddie's next immunization appointment for appropriate meds. "How did it go at Jeds?"

"I don't know if this new night manager is working out. She's a little, how do I say this delicately, impetuous."

"Impetuous? Wow, big word."

"I know all the best words," he says with a smirk, as he nudges her with his elbow. 

"Don't quit your day job, Mr Comedian." She tries to keep her expression straight, but ends up laughing. 

"Her probation is almost up. I guess we'll wait until then to make a decision," he says as they finish up the dishes and grab their mugs of cocoa. 

"You and Fuller Junior have fun tonight," he asks her while sipping on his mug of cocoa.

"I spent most of the evening studying, but we found some time to chat. Apparently, you and my brother are sharing secrets now," she says, pausing to look him in the eye, eyebrows raised.

“He what,” Seth starts before he figures out that he’s been caught. "Kate, I can explain…" 

"It's fine, Seth. We had a good talk. I'm not mad. I'd appreciate a heads up next time, okay?"

"I was trying to help, Princess. I swear," he pleads with her, clearly desperate for her to understand his motivations. 

"I know. Thank you." She goes to give him a kiss on his cheek, but he pulls her into a tight hug.

"Errr, I'm getting a lot of hugs today," she laughs into his chest.

"I’d be jealous but I don’t care. I'm really glad that your finals will be done soon, and we can finally have the house to ourselves again. As much as I love our siblings, I think that I'm beginning to develop agoraphobia."

"Agoraphobia? Really? You're so ridiculous," she says shaking her head and releasing herself from his hug. 

"Hey, you ready to kick tomorrow's final in the ass, Fuller?"

"I think so. I've covered everything I think is…"

"Wrong," he interrupts her. "The correct answer is either 'Yes' or 'Hell yes'. Try again."

"Drink your cocoa, smarty-pants. Or no spicy cocoa in future. Now come on," she says as she pulls him with her. “Time for more Gecko-Fuller Family Fun.” She laughs as Seth groans in response.


	5. "i don't pay attention to the world ending, it has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning"

Kate knows the second that Scott tells Seth about her little confession. Seth and Richie have been at Jeds a lot lately because the night manager quit. Or maybe they fired her, she can't seem to remember details of conversations sometimes.

Kate's phone has been ringing incessantly. When she sees that it's Seth, Kate knows that he's calling about that.

"I can't believe you kept this from me, Kate!" Seth yells into the phone. She can imagine him pacing around his office, his shoulders hunched and eyebrows creased.

"Seth," she tries to respond. Seth, however, isn't in the mood to listen.

"No, Kate. I don't wanna hear it," he interrupts. "You had your chance to talk, but you didn't want to. And what do you know, I don't wanna talk now. So, don’t, okay. We'll finish this when I'm not so mad that I think I could -"

She doesn't really hear what he says because it's drowned out by the sound of something crashing. Kate imagines that he's either thrown something against the wall or wiped everything off his desk in a fit of rage.

"Seth," she tries again.

"Richie and I are busy at Jeds, so we're gonna be here a while. Don’t wait up," he says quickly before hanging up the phone.

Kate hangs her head as she sets the phone down on the counter. She knew that this conversation was coming, because Scott was insistent that Seth needed to know the truth. She expected him to throw things and yell, but she didn't expect it to happen over the phone. At least this way she can prepare herself for the oncoming storm.

Eddie distracts her, making this grunting sound that he's recently started doing, from his baby rocker.

"Hey handsome. It's just you and me for bath time," she says as she picks him up. "At least you still love me," she tries to joke, but instead feels her eyes well up. Eddie tries to bite her chin; his gums itching again. Kate's not quick enough to avoid him, and she laughs when her chin is covered in saliva. She gives Eddie a kiss on his head, and goes about their evening routine.

Kate tries waiting up for Seth, but falls asleep. She wakes in the middle of the night when she hears someone in the room. Seth grabs the spare blanket from the cupboard, and his pillow from the bed.

"Seth," she says as she reaches for his arm, trying to prevent him from leaving.

"Kate," he says with a sigh. "Not tonight, okay."

"At least use the guestroom," she responds. "The couch messes with your back."

"I'll be fine, and I can’t hear Eddie from the guestroom," he says as he leaves the room.

He stops at the doorway, slightly turns back towards Kate then says, "Good night."  
______

"Listen, Kate. I heard that Vanessa is supposed to be in the area next week. She got released a few weeks ago and I need to make sure that she's okay. I owe her that much," Seth says as walks into the kitchen after putting Eddie down for the night.

This is the first real conversation that Seth has initiated with her, since their fateful conversation five days ago. Their conversations have largely been about Eddie or things related to the house. Seth also hasn't been home much, mostly showing up to help out with feed or bath time or sometimes offering to take Eddie with him on a visit to Jeds to give Kate some 'time' to herself.

"You're kidding, right. Seth, you have to be joking right now," she says. His statement floors her. This is no the conversation that she was expecting, and she's a little irritated that his choosing to bring up seeing his ex-wife at a time like this.

"I owe her, Kate," he says as he grabs a dishcloth from the drawer, to help her with the dishes from dinner. "She's the reason that I didn’t get hauled right back into prison after Richie broke me out."

"I'm not disputing that," she responds, more abruptly than she anticipated. "I just don't understand why you have to be the one to go." Kate asks. She wipes her hands as she sets down the washcloth. She turns to Seth; her arms are folded, eyebrows raised, ready for a fight.

"Because I have to, okay," he says, turning to face her in return.

"Don't you have a lot of lackeys now?" Kate asks sarcastically. "I'm pretty sure your new right-hand man could check on your ex-wife just fine."

"You don't know Vanessa. She doesn't trust strangers, and sending Richie will not end well for either of them. It’s just better this way," he says, finishing rather meekly and continuing with drying the dishes. It's clear to Kate that he's not looking to start a fight, but Kate's been on edge for days and this seems like as good a time as any to release some of that frustration.

"For whom exactly, would this way be better?" Kate asks. "Wait where exactly is she going to be? You said that she's going to be 'in the area'."

"I think maybe two towns over," he says without looking at her.

"Maybe two towns over? Seth, it'll take you an entire day to get there. Were you just not going to come back after? Are you serious?" Kate is bordering on yelling, forgetting that they need to be quiet for Eddie.

"Kate, listen," he starts, finally putting down the dishcloth and facing her.

"No, Seth. You listen," she interrupts. "In fact, let's think this through, walk through the plan. Isn't that what you taught me in Mexico?"

He rolls his eyes at her now, but she continues.

"So, you find her two towns over and it turns out that she's fine. But wait, problem! Because now she knows you're not really dead and she may or may not try to blackmail you for it. Or…"

"Now, wait just a minute," he interrupts again, clearly agitated with the way this conversation is going.

"Or," she continues, her tone biting and sarcastic. "Vanessa is in some trouble. You obviously offer to bail her out, because you owe her. She accepts, because she's clearly incapable of taking care of herself. Except, another problem, because now she knows you're not really dead, that you have access to money, and she may or may not try to blackmail you for it."

"She's not gonna blackmail me," he says as he rolls his eyes again. "She wouldn't do that. She…"

"She what," Kate interrupts again. "Would never betray the amazing Seth Gecko, because she still loves you?"

"Now you're just being childish, Kate."

Kate is shocked by that. She starts to respond, but she's so upset that her brain has apparently boiled over and now refuses to work. She's shaking her head, still can't believe that this conversation is happening. That he's going off to see his ex-wife. That he's leaving them.

"You know what," she eventually says. "Why prolong the inevitable? Why not get an early start on your wild goose chase and leave right now?"

"Kate,"

"What, Seth? I'm not suddenly going to change my mind about this. You want to leave? Then leave," she says, leaving the kitchen because she can't stand to look at him anymore.

"I'm not leaving, Kate," he says as he follows her. "I just need to find her and make sure that she isn't in some ditch."

"Whatever, Seth. You always do whatever you want to anyway," she says flippantly, far too upset at this point to even attempt to be diplomatic.

"Now hold on just a minute there, Princess," he says as he walks towards her, pointing his finger at her accusingly, in typical Seth Gecko fashion. "I've been bending over backwards for you and this family. So, don't you dare start with me about doing 'whatever I want'."

Kate doesn't back down. "You're literally leaving us to go see your ex-wife, who, last time I checked, didn't even know that you're still alive. Meanwhile, I'll still be here, taking care of our child and our home. My entire world revolves around you and our family, Seth. But no, please, let's focus on how you're 'bending over backwards' for us."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Besides, Kate, you have no leg to stand on here."

"Really? Why is that, Seth?" Kate asks. "Or are we going to pretend that you going to see your ex-wife is about what you owe her?”

"This has nothing to do with that," Seth responds, as he turns away from her.

"Sure, Seth. Whatever you want," she says with a smirk, because she should her ground when he couldn't. "For a week, you didn't want to talk about that, but now I see that you were waiting to use it against me when you wanted to get your way. I just never thought it would be you choosing your ex over you family."

"Don't fucking twist this around on me, Katie-Cakes," he says, anger making him spiteful and mean.

"Don't call me that, Seth. You don’t get to say that to me," she says with a slight tremor in her voice that she can't hide.

"I'm sorry, okay," he says quickly, running his hand through his hair and sighing. "But I'm not the bad guy here."

"And I am?"

"I never lied to you, Kate," he says shaking his head.

"That's not what happened, and I didn't lie!" Kate yells.

"You… you know what, fine. Let's do this."

She expects him to encroach on her personal space as he usually does when he's trying to intimidate. He, however, starts pacing around the room, gathering his thoughts.

He suddenly stops and turns to her. Kate re-adjusts her stance and folds her arms, readying herself for the confrontation.

"What the flying fuck were you thinking, Kate? Amaru? Amaru! Are you kidding me? You're busy keeping a fucking huge secret while pretending that we’re living in mother-fucking Pleasantville."

He steps towards her again, and says, "I asked you, point-blank, if it was about Amaru, Kate. You swore to me that it wasn't."

"It wasn't about you, Seth," she responds defensively.

"I'm your husband, Kate. Your husband. For better or for worse. Don’t you get that if it's about you, it's about me too," he says as he reaches for her.

"You don't understand what it's like, okay," she says turning away and staying out of his reach. "You don't know what it feels like to have your brain, your own thoughts, lie to you. You can't understand what that feels like."

"Richie does," he says softly. Kate hates that he's taking this tone with her. She wants him to be angry again. She wants to fight.

"And even though I hate it sometimes, I know you two talk, that you have a connection," Seth continues imploringly. "It never occurred to you that he may understand? Or did you forget that he had Amaru stuck in his head too, that she made him kill."

"No, Seth," she says, voice quivering again. She hates it, wants to sound angry again, because she is angry. But now that she's started confessing, she's almost powerless to stop it. "I didn't forget, because she used my body to that. My body, my hands, my brain. I know exactly what she put him through, what she put in his head. How could I make him live through that again when he's finally starting to feel like himself again?"

"So, what then? You talk to no one? You're just never gonna trust me or anyone with this? And I'm just supposed to sit around and hope that everything is okay? You know that I can't do that, Kate."

"I did the best that I could, but I'm not perfect, Seth," she admits while willing her tears not to spill over.

"I don't need you to be perfect. I just need you, Kate. I need my partner to trust me," he says as he reaches for her again, grabbing her arms and squeezing tenderly.

"It's not that, Seth. I wanted to tell you. But, I don't know, somehow, I convinced myself that telling you would put you in danger. I can’t stand the thought of her messing with you, or our family."

"Hey, come now," he says pleadingly. "I'm never gonna let anything happen to any of you."

"And who looks out for you?" Kate asks.

"Well, my brother does have fangs," he says with a smirk. "But I can also take care of myself, Sweetheart."

She shakes off his grip and moves to the other side of the room. "Enough with the bravado, Seth. You deal with thugs and gangsters at Jeds, fight monsters in your spare time, not to mention culebra prophesies and the Hero Twins. We live in a goddamn horror movie, and I will do what is necessary to keep you safe."

Seth huffs, exasperated now and no longer trying to be understanding. "Not this again. Kate, I'm not going out with Richie on his little missions with Kisa, and we've mostly made Jeds legit. And, that's not even what we're talking about here. You kept something really fucking important from me. I can't pretend that I'm ever going to be okay with that."

Kate shakes her head, because Seth still doesn't understand.

"Kate," he continues. "Do you not remember hallucinating after Matanzas? You couldn't tell what was real or who any of us were. What if that had happened when you were with Eddie? Kate, what if…"

"Nothing happened, okay" she interjects. "It's fine. I would never let anything bad happen to Eddie, Seth. You have to know that."

"You, yes. But you weren't yourself when you were hallucinating. So, how can you say that for sure. Kate… I just never thought that you’d take such a risk with our son. I thought that I knew you better than that. Apparently, I was wrong," he says, voice finishing in a whisper.

His disappointment in her makes her feel worse than anything Amaru ever said to her.

"Just say it, Seth. Let's not beat about the bush, here. I'm a terrible mother," she admits as tears start rolling down her cheeks. "I can't do any of this. I don't know why I'm even trying… Eddie would be better off without me."

"No… no, Kate. Don’t. Fuck," he says as he rushes to her.

She turns away from him, done with this conversation. He grabs her by her arms, turning her around and backing her up against the wall. He moves further towards her, boxing her in with his hands placed on either side of her head. Her hands automatically go to his waist. She can feel his body heat, his rage barely contained.

He hesitates in front of her for a second. Then he moves quickly, bangs the wall with his fist, and kisses her, backing her up further until his body is flush with hers.

"You don't say things like that," he whispers against her mouth. He wipes the tears from her cheeks, staring into her eyes and says, "Even if you're mad, don't ever say things like that.

He kisses her again, his hands in her hair, kissing harder, deeper; he can't seem to get close enough to her. She's starts to sink into it, adjusting to the sudden change in mood in their conversation, when he starts fumbling with her zipper. She wants to tell him to stop, that this isn't the time or the place. But then her jeans and panties are around her ankles, and Seth is pulling his zipper down.

Without further preamble, Seth thrusts into her. Kate gasps, not ready and caught off guard despite her brain knowing that this was coming. Her gasp makes Seth pause. He shifts to cup her cheeks again, stroking softly. He touches his forehead to hers and breathes her in. He slowly kisses her forehead, her nose, her cheek, and ends at her lips. His kisses are tender, apologizing for being rough with her.

His hands are in her hair again when he starts thrusting, slowly. The pain from before has mostly subsided but it's still uncomfortable for Kate. There's not enough lubrication, and she can't move much with the jeans around her ankles. She's about to stop Seth, to ask him to move to a more comfortable position, but then he kicks off her jeans and raises her leg as he runs his fingernails from her butt cheek to the inside of her knee. Placing his other hand on her ass, he lifts her off the ground. The new position makes Kate moan, and Seth chuckles before nuzzling her neck. She forgot how well he knows her body.

Seth starts thrusting harder but still slow, both hands on her ass, making sure to grind against her as he goes. Kate shouldn't be close to coming, but she is, clearly worked up from their argument in more ways than one. Seth bites the junction of her neck and shoulder, runs his fingernails down the back of her neck just like he knows she likes. It sets her off like he knew it would. She moans into his shoulder as her head falls forward when she comes.

Seth stills for a moment. "Did you? Already?" Seth asks, confused because he's used to giving her orgasms with a bigger reaction.

She nods, and wraps her legs tighter around his waist to urge him to continue.

“Kate?” Seth asks again, unsure if he’s doing right by her.

She kisses him, deep and hard, then puts her hands into his hair, scraping her fingernails against his scalp as he starts thrusting again. When he comes, she tightens her grip and tugs on his hair roughly, and Seth groans in her ear and hits the wall with his fist.

After pulling out and both righting themselves, Seth leans into her again and brushes her hair behind her ear.

"Help me understand, Kate," he whispers.

"Mmmm," she mutters in response, still busy with her zipper.

"Help me understand," he repeats. " Where did I go wrong?"

"What? Seth, no. I never meant to hurt you, okay. I'm sorry. I really am. But it's done now, I promise. Can we please move on now?" Kate pleads.

"You don't know that it’s done now," he says shaking his head and turning away from her.

"Fine, I don't know that," as she grabs his arm to stop him. "I can't even promise that I won't keep anything from you in future. And I’m sorry for that. But if I feel that lying to you is the best way to keep you safe, then that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Kate."

"Seth, I'm just being honest with you here. But I promise that I won't keep anything from you if I think that it affects Eddie."

"That's not good enough, Kate."

"You don't have to agree but that's what's going to happen. The question is whether you can live with that."

She sees his face contort, processing her words.

"How is this so hard?" Seth asks eventually.

Her face must show her confusion because he quickly continues. "I really thought that after everything we've been through, everything we did, that somehow life would be smooth sailing for us."

"I know, right. Honestly, I wasn't prepared for how hard any of this would be, Eddie, labour, just trying to keep our family together. The movies never show you how hard it is to live happily ever after."

"Are you happy, Kate?" Seth asks meekly.

"With our family? Of course," Kate responds. "You need to believe me when I say that I'm never leaving you."

"How do you know, Kate? How can you be so sure that I'm not gonna screw up so much that you take Eddie one night and just leave?"

Kate hates that he's still insecure about their relationship. She stands in front of him, strokes his cheek to get him to look at her. With all the sincerity she can muster, she says, "I love you, Seth. Even when I hate you, I love you. And every morning, I get up and I choose to love you again."

"That's a hard choice to make before you've had your morning coffee," he says sarcastically, Gecko smirk on full display. "I love you too, Kate. You and Eddie. More than anything in the world."

"You forgot Richie," she says with a smile.

"Well, he's lucky that you never forget him." He gives her a quick kiss, but Kate grabs him as he tries to pull away to give Seth a tight hug.

She goes to the bathroom to pee and clean up, and afterwards finds Seth in the kitchen finishing up with the dishes.

"I still don't like that you're gonna keep things from me," Seth says.

"I know. I’m sorry… but speaking of things we don't like; do you really have to be the one to find Vanessa?"

"Kate," he says, hanging his head. "I… yeah I do. I'm sorry, but I do."

"You trust her not to blackmail you or something?"

"It's not about trust. She's not the type of person to depend on others. She'd rather die than accept 'pity' help from me. Trust me when I say that it's just to check on her," he says earnestly.

Kate takes a deep breath, contemplating before saying, "Okay, fine. But I'm going with you."

"What, no," he objects.

"Yes. It's one night, right? Besides, Richie's been adamant about us spending quality time together, so I'm sure that we can get him to babysit."

"There's no way that this is what he meant as 'quality time'."

"Regardless, you need to do this, right? Then I'm coming with you."

"Fine," Seth says in a huff. He crosses his arms, and tightens his jaw, in classic Seth Gecko thinking mode. "But I want you to speak to someone about this Amaru thing."

"This isn't a negotiation, Seth."

"Good, because it's non-negotiable."

"Fine, Sparky, but no more sleeping on the couch, even if we're fighting."

"What, this isn't,"

"Non-negotiable, Seth," she interrupts.

He's quiet for a while, but eventually concedes. "Fine." Seth trudges towards her and gives her a quick kiss on the lips.

Kate grabs her by his shirt collar when he tries to walk away, stopping him from leaving. She pulls him in for another kiss, pressing her lips hard against his. He's smiling softly when the kiss ends, the tension from early nowhere to be found on his expression.

His smile quickly morphs into a more mischievous one, and before she can react, Seth starts tickling her in her waist. Kate shrieks and Eddie, of course, wakes from the noise.

"Well done, you barbarian," she says as she slaps his arm.

"Ow," he fakes, rubbing his arm. "I'll go see to Eddie, you finish with the dishes, Million Dollar Baby."


	6. "keep the rage tender. because the soft season will come."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this. To everyone who has commented, bookmarked, and left kudos - you're all amazing, magical, unicorns. Sending virtual love.
> 
> Secondly, I have to be honest, I never planned on writing a chapter with Vanessa. I'm apprehensive about writing her character because we have such a limited, biased understanding of her, and I was worried that I wouldn't do her justice. However, everyone who commented mentioned something about Vanessa, and, well, this chapter is a result of spending a lot of time thinking about how this meeting would impact everyone.

Seth has seen and done a lot of crazy shit in his life. A LOT of crazy shit. Brutal, crazy, scary shit. But he's never been more scared than he is right now. Soon, Kate is going to come face to face with his fireball of an ex, Vanessa. Knowing his luck, everything is about to go to shit. To be fair, everything has been shit from moment he opened to stupid yap and said that he was going to find Vanessa. Then Kate decided that she should go with him, he had to sit through one of Richie's lectures for half an hour, and Scott showed up a few days later and punched him square in the jaw. Seth was still sporting a shiner, several days later; he must admit that the kid has an impressive right hook.

Then Kate started having second thoughts about leaving Eddie at home. She said it was because of his intense teething, which has morphed Eddie into a little, monster baby. Seth knows that she was just scared to leave him. She hasn't been away from Eddie for more than a few hours since the day he was born. He knows that the thought of an entire night away and being two towns over, would have driven Kate completely insane. After her third night of not sleeping well, Seth suggested that they take Eddie with them. She barely took any convincing; he's still not sure if she was maybe planning this the entire time.

It's a road-trip for the ages. Two days on the road, spastic lower-back pain, Scott's road-trip playlist with one too many Death Cab tracks for Seth's liking, an unplanned overnight stay at a random highway motel because of course they left four hours later than expected, and they’re finally at the hotel two blocks away from where they're meant to meet Vanessa. He's still a little suspicious that she agreed to meet with his made-up, bounty hunter, alter-ego, but she was always one for a little mystery.

Vanessa.

Why did he think seeing her was a good idea, again? He's been back and forth deciding to call the whole thing off. If he weren't such a stubborn fuck he probably would've called it off by now. But then he thinks of old Uncle Eddie and how much Vanessa loved him, how Eddie was a father to all of them. He knew that he couldn't tell her about Eddie through a proxy or over the phone. As much as he and Vanessa may hate each other now, he loved her, once upon a time. He owes her this much.

Seth sighs as he checks his hair again and finishes up in the bathroom. There's no time like the present to face his demons.

He finds Kate busy trying to put Eddie down for a nap. Kate is humming 'Dream a Little Dream of Me' and, usually, Eddie's out like a light before she gets to the end. Little, teething, monster Eddie, however, is extra fussy and refuses to go to sleep easily. So, they can't simply put him down in the portable bassinet for nap-time. She makes it to the second verse when Eddie does a strong jolt, and her perfectly practiced cradle arms are ruined.

"Hey now, handsome," she says while re-positioning Eddie, placing his head on her shoulder. "I know life is hard right now, but I promise it will be better if you get a little sleep."

"Where's Scott?" Seth asks with a whisper, trying not to disturb Kate and Eddie as he goes to find his phone and wrist watch. "We gotta head out in five."

"Aren't you going to 'rendezvous' with Vanessa now," Kate responds with sarcastic air quotes, using her free hand.

"Yeah, and we gotta get there before she does, make sure we get a spot out of the public eye. Now, where is my damn phone, and your brother needs to make it snappy."

"Seth, I'm not coming with you," Kate says as she continues comforting a clearly unhappy Eddie.

"What?" Seth responds, louder than necessary. Of course, this prompts Eddie to start crying again.

Kate turns to him, clearly annoyed, and says, "I'm not here to babysit you. I just didn’t want you to be alone. I wanted to be here for you if things didn't go well. Besides, Scott's basically dead to the world right now. I couldn't wake him up if my life depended on it."

Seth stops throwing around the pillows while looking for his phone, and asks, "Princess, are you sure about this?" He's basically frozen in place and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kate, however, goes back to humming to Eddie, like it's normal for Seth to go see his ex-wife.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now, get going and stop worrying about seeing Vanessa," she says.

"I'm not worried," he insists. And he's not worried, exactly. But there are a few bars in KC where he and Vanessa have a lifetime ban. And this was during the time when they were still in their honeymoon phase.

"Seth, I've seen you talking to yourself a lot when you think no one's looking. You do that before a big job, trying to think through all the ways that things can go wrong. I doubt Vanessa requires as much planning as robbing a bank."

"You don't know Vanessa," he remarks, snidely.

"It's been years, Seth…"

"Years, in prison," he interrupts. "You don't know what time in the joint does to a person."

"Regardless, you're a big boy, and I believe in you. Whatever the big-bad Vanessa throws at us, we'll handle it," she says as she gives up the jostling. She moves to the bed to try breastfeeding Eddie, the final move in her arsenal.

"… yeah, I should wear something padded. In case she decides to throw something at me," he says as he watches Eddie quiet down. "Having boobs would come in handy with Eddie, but I don't that's the kind of padding I need with Vanessa."

"You're a giant dork. Now, get going; you’re running late," she says with a smile.

"I'll be back soon," he says as he comes to give her a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

_________________

Seth gets a table at the back of the bar, hoping to be shielded from public if Vanessa decided to cause a scene. He orders a soda, and thinks about getting something stronger. Why did he think that this would be a good idea, again? He repeats the argument that it's what Uncle Eddie would've wanted. Man, he can't ever remember being this nervous. He briefly thinks that maybe he needed Kate with him for this, more than he realised.

He swears that he feels Vanessa before he sees her. Like something out of a movie, the air literally shifts when she walks into a room. Fuck, she's dressed to impress in sexy heels, skinny jeans and her hair is a dark shade of blonde. He begged her for months to go blonde when they were still together. It figures that she'd go blonde now. Well, tough tits for her, because he's happily married to the greatest woman in the world. But her tits do look fantastic in that red shirt. Man, he does love a woman in red. "Focus, Gecko," he mumbles to himself. He can't afford to get distracted by a new hairdo and pair of tits.

She hasn't noticed him yet, so he stands, rights himself, and waits.

When she lays her eyes on him, time stops. The look of shock on her face lasts longer than he thought it would, and he's sure that his uneasiness is starting to show. All this time, and a simple look from her still has a power over him. He's holding his breath, waiting for mount Vanessa to erupt and decimate everything around her.

Instead, she smiles.

She races over to him, giant smile in place. Seth is too much in shock to move. She barrels into him and almost knocks him over as she pulls him into a hug.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!" She's yelling into his ear, and drawing the attention of everyone around them.

"Inside voice, Vanessa. We're in public," he whisper-yells at her. It may be years since Mexico, but a criminal can never be too careful when out in public.

"You're alive, Seth. I don't care. And, I fucking knew it," she says, quieter this time, but she's still drawing too much attention.

He tries to get her to sit down, but as he pulls himself from her hug, she punches him. Hard. Right where Scott hit him.

"What the fuck, Vanessa," he says as he rubs his jaw to check that it's still in the same place. Seth is sure that his jaw must have some hairline fracture at this stage.

Before he realizes what’s happening, Vanessa's hands are cupping his cheeks and she's kissing him.

What. The. Fuck.

Just as quickly as it happened, she's pulling away from him. He's not ashamed to admit that he cowers slightly, unsure of what Vanessa has in store for him next.

"Baby, I've missed…" she starts and abruptly stops.

"Vanessa, just listen," he says as he finally looks up.

"What the fuck is that," she interrupts, pointing to the wedding ring on his finger.

"Vanessa, Honey. Please sit down and let me explain," he tells her calmly. He's trying his best to placate her, regain control of this situation, and prevent a massive potential blow out.

"Don't 'Honey' me," she says stubbornly, but she thankfully sits down regardless. "What the fuck did you do, Seth?"

"Vanessa, inside voice!" Seth waves and smiles at the nosey onlookers, and hopes that no one decides to call management.

"Hi, Darlin'," Vanessa calls to a passing waitress. "I'll take a whiskey, neat."

"Vanessa, it's still light out," he chastises her, even though he knows that it won't help. He’s secure enough in his manhood to admit that the thought of Vanessa with a little alcohol scares the shit out of him.

"What, Seth Gecko doesn't day drink anymore?" Vanessa asks sarcastically. "Does the new old-lady not let you?"

He rubs his hands over his face and sighs in exasperation. How the hell did he let this meeting spiral out of control? He takes a deep breath and tries to get this shindig back on track.

"Vanessa, it's Uncle Eddie," he says calmly. "Something's happened to him. I didn't want you to find out from someone else."

Her shoulders drop, she nods slowly and says, "I know about Eddie. The repair shop was the first place I went after I got out. That gross, pervert Billy Bob told me that he disappeared a few years ago and just never came back. We all knew how much Eddie loved that shop. He never would've left it to ruin. Billy Bob's taken over the repair shop, by the way. Not that you care."

"Don't start, okay. Of course, I care. There have been extenuating circumstances.” He says, but she responds with an eye roll. “You know,” he continues. “Everyone told me that finding you was a bad idea, but I came anyway, didn't I."

"Who told you not to find me? Richie? Or the new Mrs. already got your balls in her purse?" Vanessa asks snidely.

"Enough, Vanessa. Enough. God, why is it always like this with you?" he says as he stands and pulls some dollars from his wallet. "No. I told her that I wanted to give you the news about Uncle Eddie in person. She's the one person who supported me coming her." He throws the money on the table and walks away.

"Seth," she says as she grabs his arm and prevents him from walking off. "I'm sorry, okay. Please sit down."

"Please," she repeats when he doesn't move. He's tense and upset, and clearly not able to deal with her bullshit. But he came all this way, and he knows that this can't be easy for her either. He takes a deep breath, knows he's gonna regret this, and he sits back down at their table.

"I'm sorry about Eddie," she says after a quiet pause. "Do you know what happened?"

"Wrong place, wrong time, I guess," he says simply. He figures that if he keeps his words to a minimum, there's less opportunity to set Vanessa off.

"He was doing jobs again?" she asks, concerned. "But I thought he was done with that?"

"Richie," he starts.

"Richie, of course," she interrupts. "I knew one day that freak would get someone I loved killed."

"Don’t, Vanessa. You don't know what you're talking about," he responds sternly. How does it always become about Richie with the two of them?

"So, what, Richie's better now?" she asks. "You don't have to babysit him anymore?"

"It was never babysitting. And yeah, you know what, he's doing really well. He mostly runs his own thing now. I have my own thing too now."

"Your own thing? Legit?" Vanessa asks, clearly surprised at his admission. He’s never been happier to prove her wrong.

"Yeah, mostly," he says with pride. Because, yeah it took a while to get here but they're all actually in a good place. And he's proud of them. The Gecko Brothers going legit, all about their little family now.

"Wow, Seth. I never thought I'd see the day," she says with a small smile. He's a little surprised that she seems genuinely happy for him. If they keep this up, they may even make it out of this meeting unscathed.

"Yeah, well. Even geckoes get lucky eventually," he responds.

"Yeah, I guess they do," she says with a smile. "And I really am sorry about Eddie, Seth. He meant the world to me, but it's nothing compared to what he meant to you."

"Thanks, Vanessa. So, the other reason I'm here… what are you doing for money now that you're out? Do you have a plan?" he asks, figuring that it's better to get everything out now while they're still mostly cordial.

"I don't need you to take care of me, Seth," she says. "I'm a big girl. You may not be aware, but I can take care of myself."

"Vanessa," he starts.

"Seriously, Seth. I'm fine. I don't need you. I've got some stuff in the works too," she says with a smirk.

"Stuff in the works, huh?" he asks. She looks incredibly smug, and Seth wonders what she has up her sleeve.

"Nothing illegal, Sweetheart. I promise. I met some good people inside and we got to talking about some things. Some of 'em got out a bit before I did and started working on a plan for a programme we’re gonna start. It's not all worked out yet, but it's something."

He can't lie. He's in shock, and unsure of how to respond.

She pauses for a bit, then continues with a wide smile, "I'm really excited about it, Seth. Our programme is mostly going to deal with kids whose parents are locked up. We wanna give 'em support, you know, show 'em that they have options in life. That's why I'm in town, actually. We're going to see some people offering similar programmes. But, like I said, we don't have the details all worked out yet. What's with that look? Can't believe I'd be doing well without you?” she teases.

"No, I always knew that you could do anything you set your mind to," he admits truthfully, because she's never given up on anything she set her mind to. "I'm just shocked that someone could use their time in jail to improve themselves."

"Well, I had a lot of time to think about my life, you know. I realised that I wasn't happy with the person I'd become. I didn't know it at the time, but for years, my life revolved around you, and us. And I really thought that was what I wanted. It took a long time to figure out that I needed something different. And a longer time to realise that what we had, wasn't a rational, healthy love. I would've burnt down the world for you, Seth. How insane is that?"

"It wasn't all bad, was it?" Seth asks. He can't help but think about Kate as he does, and all the hell he's put her through.

"The sex was great, but I think all the crazy fighting diminished the little bit of happiness we maybe could've had."

"As long as the sex was good," Seth jokes.

"Does it matter now? You're married again, and running some things, mostly legit now. And I'm…"

"Erin Fucking Brockovich, apparently."

"Well, not exactly, but something like that," she says with a smile. Then she laughs at him. This unfiltered, purely joyful laugh that he remembers from when they first got together. He doesn't remember that laugh much towards the end of their marriage. "And who knew that all I needed was some time away, you know. Time to figure myself out."

He just nods in response. He still can't believe that this is the women he married all those years ago. He could've sworn at some stage that the reason that marriage didn't work because she was fucking insane. It turns out that all she needed was time, far away from him.

"What about you and the new Mrs. Seth Gecko? She and Richie get along?" Vanessa asks, distracting him from his thoughts.

"Yeah, he's really fond of her," he admits proudly. "They have this 'special' bond, freaks me out a bit sometimes."

"My God, there's no winning with you," she says as she shakes her head. "Either too close to your brother or not close enough, huh? So, she's obviously nothing like me. Then what is she like? She fat? Please tell me she can't cook. She's definitely out of your league, because that's your type."

"Yeah, she and Eddie definitely keep me on my toes," he admits. He grins like an idiot without meaning to. But he's completely whipped and in love with his little family, and can't help but smile when he thinks about them.

"Eddie?" Vanessa asks.

"Yeah, Eddie… my son. He's a few months old now, and he's already ruined my life. I can't imagine life without him," he says as he pulls out his phone. He shows her one of his new favourite videos that Richie took. Eddie is going to start crawling soon, but he hasn't figured out yet that his legs need to be involved in the process. The video is of Eddie slowly sliding around the house, propelled by the strength of his tiny arms. Kate is on the floor, next to Eddie, cheering him on. She laughs at the camera when Richie starts yelling at Eddie to 'put some muscle into it'. Seth laughs at their antics. He misses them already.

"Stop, Seth. Stop," Vanessa suddenly exclaims, brushing his phone aside.

"Vanessa?" he asks, unsure what could've set her off now.

"I can't, Seth. I'm happy for you, for how far you've come, I really am. But seeing your happy family album, it's too hard. Seth, I was your wife. Your wife. I loved you more than anything else in this world. And a part of me will always believe that that should be me. That that should be our family. Our son. I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore… good luck, Seth. You take care now," she says as she stands to leave.

"Vanessa," he calls after her. He can't remember if she's always been this fast, but she seems to have disappeared.

The table next to him obviously stands up when he does. When he finally makes it through the fray, Vanessa's nowhere in sight.

Seth comes back to an empty hotel room, with some boxed up burgers and fries from the bar. Kate's not answering her phone, and he can hear the incessant ringing of Scott's room phone next door. Why did they bother bringing Scott with if he's never around when Seth needs him? He wasn't expecting them to be waiting around for him with baited breath, but some level of interest would be nice.

He takes out his burger and fries, and notices that he's hands are shaken a bit. Of all the ways that meeting could've gone, he did not expect that.

It could have been worse, much worse. Mostly involving physical injury and property damage. He should count himself lucky.

He looks at his hands again, and slowly tightens them into a fist. Everything is fine, but he decides to get a small bottle of something from the mini-bar. Just something to take the edge off.

His hands haven't stopped shaking.

_________________

It's dark outside when Kate finally gets back to her hotel room. After breastfeeding couldn't get Eddie to fall asleep, she decided to take him on walk. It still took him over an hour to fall asleep, so she's been out longer than she first planned. She went to check in on Scott first, who's been going out to every bar in a five-mile radius and promoting Fanglorious.

He's still gets a little nervous when he has to promote on his own, although he'd never admit it. He does end up trying four types of (according to Kate) the exact same dress shirt.

The Seth is asleep when Kate gets back to the hotel room. She tiptoes around the room, trying her best not to wake him. She's too scared to move Eddie into the bassinet, so she does her best to make him comfortable in the stroller, which she moves next to the bed. It's then that she sees the empty liquor bottles from the mini-bar, next to a half-finished burger.

She goes to check on Seth, and briefly considers checking that he's still breathing. Seth doesn't drink much anymore, a couple of beers once in a while. But seldom during the day, and never when he's alone. She really thought, hoped, that his meeting with Vanessa would have gone well. But want alone doesn't guarantee that things will go the way we want.

She tidies up around him, and covers him with one of the hotel blankets. Seth stirs slightly, but sleeps on. Kate wonders why Eddie couldn't inherit this trait from Seth. Her poor munchkin wakes at the slightest disturbance, which generally means that she doesn't get much sleep at night.

Kate takes a deep breath, relishing in the calm and silence of the room. She puts the baby monitor next to Eddie, in the stroller, and goes to take a shower. When she gets out, Eddie is still asleep, but Seth is awake and on the balcony. He's pacing around on the balcony, free hand flying around as he speaks. He hasn't noticed yet, but every time he argues with someone over the phone Eddie watches him intensely. Kate would bet the house that he's going to be exactly like Seth when he grows up.

Seth sees her, and quickly finishes his call. He still looks tired, and smells a little like an old-school bar.

"Rough day?" Kate asks. She considers giving him a kiss, but she can't seem to stand the smell of smoke anymore.

"Errr, no actually. It was fine," he responds as he offers her the extra burger. "Sorry it's cold," he adds.

"So, Vanessa isn't going to run away with all of our money?" she teases, as Seth also sits to finish his burger.

"No. She's doing well. Real well, actually," he admits. "She's starting this programme with someone she met in the joint. They're gonna to do something with kids whose parents are in prison. She's really excited about it. And happy."

"Seth, are you serious?" she exclaims a little too loudly. She does a quick scan over to Eddie, who's thankfully still asleep, then says quietly, "Seth, that sounds awesome."

"Yeah, unbelievable. She's almost nothing like the person I remember," he says stoically, almost disappointed.

"What's wrong here?" she asks. "What am I missing? Why aren't you happy for her?"

"I am. Of course, I am. I'd be a monster if I weren't happy for my ex doing well in life, after me."

"Your words say one thing, but your tone says the complete opposite. Seth, out with it. Where's your head at?"

"Nothing," he says with a sigh. "She's great, we're great, everyone is great. What's not to be happy about."

"I don't know, but apparently something. Tell me."

"It's nothing, Princess."

"Seth, talk to me. Please. We're being honest with each other now, remember?"

It's a long silent pause before Seth finally whispers, barely loud enough for her to hear, "What if you're better off without me?"

"What? Now, I really don't understand," she asks as she watches him stand up and start pacing the room.

"Vanessa went to prison, Kate. Prison. And yet her life got amazingly better. And I know it's not all on me, but I know that some of it is because I wasn't around to fuck up her life anymore."

"I'm sure that's not what happened," she says as she cleans up the burger wrappings and other waste around the room.

"Only it is," he says, pausing slightly before continuing his pacing. "She went to fucking prison, I wasn't around, and she came out the other end smiling."

"Life is not that simple, Seth. I doubt you have that much influence on someone's life," she says as she laughs at him slightly. She can't believe he's being so silly about this. This can't be why he's upset after seeing Vanessa.

"No, don't do that. Don't try to placate me. I'm not wrong here, Kate. How else do you explain her complete 180? She's basically become Mother fucking Theresa," he whisper-yells, still aware of a sleeping Eddie close by.

"It sounded like she met some interesting people and got some good advice, I don't know. I don't think there's really much else to do in jail." She knows that she's mocking him a bit, but this argument is just plain silly.

He stops his pacing, and walks over to her. "Don’t patronize me, Kate. I want what's best for you and Eddie," he says aggressively as he starts crowding her.

"Wait, and I don't? I can't judge what's best for me and Eddie?" Kate asks. She's starting to get annoyed. Why can't they seem to go one week without fighting?

"That's not what I mean. You don't understand," he says as he moves away again. He’s clearly unsettled and can’t seem to stay in one place.

"Then explain it to me. What don't I understand?" she asks loudly, which of course wakes up Eddie. She goes to pick him up from the stroller. Having Eddie in her arms calms her. She turns to Seth again, who is now sitting glumly on the bed.

"Seth, please. Talk to me," she whispers as she sits next to him.

He drops his head into his hands, scraping his nails along his head. He takes a deep breath, sits up, and says slowly, "I'm garbage, okay Kate. Fucking, useless, garbage. Ray was the biggest son of a bitch to fucking walk the earth, and… My mom…"

"You never speak about your mom," she says quietly, when he pauses for too long. She doesn't want to spook him, because she knows that he needs to talk, talk it all out.

"Yeah, well, I guess that I never really knew her," he continues. "She left us when Richie was still little, when we were both still little. Anyway, Ray always said it was because she couldn't stand the sight of us, which was of course bullshit. He was a drunk and a bully, and obviously she left because of him. But I can't help thinking lately… you'd go to the ends of the Earth before you let anyone take Eddie away from you. And I'd do the same, because he's my whole world. He's the best part of me. I honestly, can't imagine my life without him. Hell, I can't ever fathom abandoning him. Because, who does that. What parent abandons their child?"

"Seth, you don't know that it happened like that. From what you told me about Ray, she probably feared for her life. She probably didn't think that she had another choice."

"Why didn't she take us with her, Kate? Why? Ray never gave a shit about me and Richie. He wouldn't have cared if we lived or died. She could've made a plan. She could've snuck us out when he was on one of his benders. But no, she just left. Disappeared into the middle of the night and she never came back. She never came back for us."

"Maybe she tried, Seth," she says lamely, because what else can she say to him.

"Maybe. But she also knew what a bastard Ray was. We were never going to be safe with him. And I don’t know what kind of person would subject their child to that fate. What kind of person doesn't fight for their kid. But that's the kind of people I come from, a world-class abuser and a child deserter."

She climbs into his lap, and pulls him up in a tight hug. It's a little awkward with Eddie in the middle, but Seth needs them both right now. She expects him to return her hug, to wrap his arms around the both of them and pull her close. His inaction makes her tighten her grip, as if proximity alone can ease his pain.

"Okay, Princess. You're cutting off my circulation here," he says with a smirk, but Kate knows that it's mostly false bravado.

"Seth, I'm sorry any of this happened to you. And I can't ever imagine what that must feel like. What your mother must have gone through. What you and Richie…" She pauses as she shakes her head, willing herself not to cry despite how upset it makes her every time he talks about his childhood. "I don't know what to say here,” she continues eventually. “I'm out of our depth. But I do know that we're not our parents. You are not Ray and you are not your mother. I believe that, Seth. I need you to believe it too. And for the days that you don't, Eddie and I will be here to remind you. Two Geckos are better than one."

"Don't let Scott hear you call yourself a Gecko," he teases, but he's smiling so she feels better.

As if summoned, Eddie leans over into Seth's arms and starts with his baby talk, adding to the conversation. Kate laughs and says, "I meant little Gecko over here, but your comment is noted."

She gives Eddie a kiss and stands from the bed. Eddie is busy trying to fit his hand into Seth’s mouth, and Seth laughs out loud. The rapid change in Seth's expression still amazes her, as if the simply act of having Eddie in his arms is enough to vanquish the greatest evil.

"What's with that smile?" Seth asks her, while he cradles Eddie. "Nothing," she replies with a smile. "Please change him while I get his bedtime things in order."

Eddie goes down surprisingly quick and smoothly. Kate would like to think that it's because they have his bedtime routine perfectly rehearsed, like one of their timed-to-the-second bank jobs. The truth, however, is that her poor cupcake tired himself today, charming all the ladies, while they were out on an afternoon stroll. Already, a Gecko if there ever was one, and he can't even talk yet.

But that's not the Gecko who needs her attention right now.

Seth's been docile this evening. She's sure that he's stuck in his own head, which is never a good idea in times when he's being hard on himself. She's trying to figure out how to get him out of this funk before she starts the conversation up again. She really never expected this outcome from his meeting with Vanessa.

They both get into bed, and Kate is nowhere near completing a convincing argument to get Seth to see her point of view. She instead decides to change tactics, and she climbs on top of him and buries her face into the side of his neck.

"I'm sorry your meeting didn't go better," she whispers to him.

"It's not your fault. I should've just sent Richie and dealt with the physical destruction after the fact," he says as he rolls them both over, brushes her hair behind her ear, and kisses the tip of her nose.

"You know I love you, right? You. Not some perfect version that you think you need to be," she tells him.

He sighs deeply and says, "Kate, I only want what's best for you. I want you and Eddie to have the best life possible. If I am preventing that…"

"That's irrelevant, Seth. And you don't get to make that decision. So, what if I'd be better off without you? We stick together, remember. In fact, do you remember what you said to me the day you asked me to marry you? You said that you tried leaving me once, but then you nearly overdosed and I died. That clearly, the universe strongly advises that we stay together. You remember that? Seth, when you said that to me, I believed you. I still believe you. So, as far as I am concerned, we have no choice but to be together. So, what do you want to do now? You want us to have the best life possible? Good, but we're doing that together."

Instead of responding to her, he rolls over to his side of the bed. But Kate's not willing to give up yet. "Seth, we stopped the end of the world, we survived Hell, we're still relatively sane, and we're together. With Eddie, who is a happy, healthy, wonderful ray of sunshine, and he's ours. Do you understand how lucky we are? Why can't we just enjoy this moment?"

"Kate, your problems don't just disappear because you're tired of dealing with them. Believe me, I know," he says. But he's looking at the ceiling instead of at her. So, she climbs on top of him again and continues. "That's not what I'm saying. Seth, if you saw yourself the way I see you, the way we all see you, you wouldn't be saying any of this.

"I'm not good enough for you," he whispers, still not looking in her eyes.

"No, listen Seth. You're Eddie's entire world. He's never happier than when you walk in the door. We get to see Scott more because of you. Richie and I wouldn't be here were it not for you. You did that, Seth. You did. Not some idealistic, perfect version of you. You, as you are. We could all be better people, Seth. But what we need is you. You. Because you got us here. Here, together. I need you to believe that."

"I'm not," he starts, shaking his head.

"Good enough for me?" she asks. "Well Eddie's too perfect for the both of us. So, now what."

"Kate."

"You want to be better? You think you need to be better? Fine, then be better Seth. You can be better and still be the you who is exactly what we need. They don't need to be mutually exclusive. All I know for sure is that we're better together, okay."

"Better together," he repeats, with a slight nod.

Seth sounds convinced enough, but she can tell that he still doesn't believe her. She shakes her head, climbs off of him as she says, "But you don't believe me." There's only so much she can say. If he doesn't believe her now, he never will.

"Baby, come on. What does it matter anyway?" he asks as he turns towards her.

"It matters to me."

"But it shouldn't, Kate. Look, it is what it is. I'm a good for nothing and you're the best thing that has or ever will happen to me. End of story."

"Whatever, Seth. You're right. As always. You're a good for nothing, and I'm too good for you. Well done. You win. Can we drop it now? I'm tired and I don't want to fight anymore."

"Kate, come on. How are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, Seth. You think you're worthless and you don't believe me when I say that that's not true."

"Woah now, Princess. I never said that I was worthless," he jokes. "Hey, come on," he says as he lightly caresses her cheek and pulls her into a hug.

"You mean the world to us, Seth," she whispers into his chest, her voice trembling slightly. "Why isn't that enough to convince you that you're worthwhile. That you're enough. That you're everything."

"Baby, don’t be sad. I do believe you. Deep down. Deep, deep down. It’s just hard sometimes. But I'll try, okay? We'll do it together," he says as he kisses the top of her head.

"You know I called Dakota, right? We arranged for a Skype call, to talk about Amaru and stuff. I think that maybe you should talk to someone too," she says, as she removes herself from his embrace and cups his cheek.

"No, Kate. I don't need a shrink, okay. Besides Dakota would sooner saw off her own leg than have to spend any more time with me."

She wants to say that he doesn’t need to talk to Dakota, but she knows that it’s just going to lead to another fight. She nods instead, a little disappointed at his response, but too tired to fight anymore. “Good night,” she says as she gives him a quick kiss, and snuggles into his side.

“Good night, Princess,” he says as he holds her close and settles in for sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'as you are.' says the universe.  
> 'after...' you answer.  
> 'as you are.' says the universe.  
> 'before...' you answer.  
> 'as you are.' says the universe.  
> 'when...' you answer.  
> 'as you are.' says the universe.  
> 'how...' you answer.  
> 'as you are.' says the universe.  
> 'why...' you answer.  
> 'because  
> you are happening now.  
> right now.  
> right at this moment  
> and  
> your happening  
> is beautiful.  
> the thing that both keeps me alive  
> and  
> brings me to my knees.  
> you don't even know how breathtaking you  
> are.  
> as you are.' says the universe through tears.
> 
> -as you are | you are the prayer
> 
> 'Salt' - Nayyirah Waheed


	7. "your happening is beautiful, the thing that both keeps me alive and brings me to my knees"

"Please tell me I didn't miss bedtime again," Kate mumbles as she kicks off her shoes and sneaks into the house. Seth is standing in the doorway to the nursery, presumably watching over Eddie. Eddie must be sleeping, because she doesn't hear a peep from him. She's disappointed that she's late, again. This is the third bedtime in a row that she's missed.

Kate kisses Seth on the cheek before leaning into the nursery to check on Eddie. "I'm sorry I'm late again," Kate whispers. "But I think we've finally covered all the essentials. Starting tomorrow, Jed's new day manager will be running things sans training wheels."

Seth pulls her into his chest, wraps her up in a tight hug, and whispers into her hair, "You're amazing." Kate knows that her grin is wide, because her cheeks are starting to burn. She's never technically worked at Jeds, but she thinks that she did a good job with the training and she's really proud of herself.

Seth spins her around in his arms, and he smiles when he sees her giant grin. "Thanks for helping out, Princess. It's lucky for me that you're smart enough to run Jeds in your sleep. I couldn't have managed this week without you," he says with a wink.

"Easy, charm-school," she responds with a laugh, as she pokes him in the side and wiggles out of his arms. "It was mostly Ana. She is really great, and she has so many ideas. We were even discussing ways to generate interest from a younger crowd."

"Is that so? You and Ana gonna overhaul Jeds, and stage a coup?" Seth jokes.

"Hah hah," she responds sarcastically and sighs as she crouches next to Eddie's crib. "I can't believe that I missed another bedtime. Did he go down okay?"

Seth chuckles as he crouches next to her, and starts stroking Eddie's little fingers. "He tried his best to fight it," he whispers. "Little dude can't keep his eyes open or his head up, but then, it was like he suddenly realised what was happening and he started freaking the fuck out. He started crying hysterically and pulling on my shirt collar, like a man possessed. It was frightening, Kate."

"I bet it was.”

"My life flashed before my eyes for a second."

"I'm sure it did," she says with a laugh. "I think the shirt grabbing is his way of trying to get to my boobs. I don't think he's figured out that yours don't work that way."

He stands up slowly as he says, "He's in for a big surprise when he eventually figures it out. For now, he's just busy conducting his own experiments, figuring out the world." Seth does a little stretch of his back, and Kate feels bad. Because she's been so busy at Jeds, she hasn't made sure that Seth's taking care of himself.

"Oh, so he's going to be a scientist now?" Kate asks with a laugh, stroking Eddie's little fingers before she stands, placing her hand on Seth's lower back and rubbing. "I thought we were aiming for the next Babe Ruth?"

"Science can be his retirement plan," Seth says as he sweeps a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Hey now, what's with the long face? He can be a scientist if you really want." He wraps her up in another hug, hand at the back of her head, holding her close.

She drops her forehead to his chest for just a second, before pulling away and saying, "Nothing, really. I'm just tired, Seth." She grabs the baby monitor and pulls Seth out of the nursery with her. "Have you eaten yet? I'm hungry."

"Kate," he starts.

"I'm fine, Seth. It’s been a long day and I'm sad I missed another bedtime. He grows so much and so quickly at this stage, and I hate missing any of it," she says as they walk towards the kitchen. Kate tries to remember if they have any leftovers in the fridge; she's too tired and hungry to have to make food.

"I know what you mean. We have to buy the little rascal more growers, and fast," he says, as Kate spots the covered plate on the stove and smiles. She looks over at Seth, who nods and smirks back at her. "Yes, nachos!" Kate shrieks as she unwraps the plate.

"Not just a pretty face, huh Princess? You're welcome."

"So, you're not going to the bar tonight?" Kate asks as she steals some nachos while Seth tries to reheat her plate in the microwave. "No, called in Diego because I needed a night off," he replies.

Kate obviously messes on herself. She looks down at the mess and groans. "I really need to sit down when I eat nachos." When she looks up, Seth's already offering her a washcloth to clean up. "If there's one thing I hate Eddie inheriting from you, it's this," Seth says as he bends to clean up some guac that she didn't notice on the floor. "This week, he started this thing where he throws his plate on the floor when he's done eating. It's a colossal fucking mess for such a small person. I even found bits of pumpkin underneath the table."

"Hey, I am not that messy; you're being dramatic," she says defensively as she wipes up some sour cream on her jeans.

"There's guacamole on the floor that says otherwise."

"Eat me, Gecko!" Kate takes her plate from the microwave and leaves the kitchen.

Suddenly, Seth grabs and dips her, one hand on her plate of nachos to prevent creating a further mess. "Maybe later," he whispers. He nips at her ear as he rights her. Kate feels herself flush immediately, and stands in a stupor.

"Breath, Princess. I'm just teasing," he says as he slaps her ass and grabs her plate before heading off to the couch.

Kate takes a minute to compose herself, taking a deep breath and willing her cheeks to return to normal temperature. She looks around the kitchen and is surprised to find that the house is virtually spotless. Seth must've cleaned during the day. Kate will be the first to admit that Seth is not scarce in the household chores, but he usually saves the 5-star treatment for a special occasion. It's not a holiday, birthday, or their anniversary - she wonders if he's feeling guilty for something he's done or something he's about to do.

"Nachos are getting cold here, Princess," Seth calls from the couch.

"You had better not be eating my nachos, Seth Gecko… I know where you sleep at night," Kate says as she walks to join him on the couch.

"Thanks for cleaning," she says as she sits and they both eat from her plate.

"It's the least I can do. You've been a lifesaver, training Ana this week while I handle the bar at night."

"How are things at Richie's bar? He has to stop taking all his staff with him when a culebra crisis hits."

"You know Richie," he says in between bites of nachos. "He can't operate properly if he doesn't have the right team. He needs people he trusts, and things are getting a bit complicated with the current crisis."

"I see. Well, we both know that there's no one he trusts more than you," she says. Seth's 5-star cleaning finally makes sense now - he's leaving.

When Seth chooses to have another bite of the nachos instead of responding, she decides to put the plate down and turns to him for serious conversation time.

Seth runs his hands through his hair and sighs. When he does look at her, it's his kicked puppy face.

"When do you need to leave?" Kate asks softly. She's not entirely surprised that he’s leaving - it was always going to be 'when' not 'if'. She's trying her best not to show her disappointment.

"Soon."

"You know for how long?"

Seth shakes his head, solemnly, and Kate nods in response.

"We better get you packed then," she finally says after they're both silent for a while.

"Kate. Don't make this harder than this needs to be."

He's beating himself up again, and she needs to ensure this doesn't spiral out of control.

She grabs his hands, gets him to face her. "Seth, I'm telling you that it's okay. Go to Richie. You need to. I'm not making things harder for you, I promise."

"Kate," he says. His hand cups her cheek and he leans down to touch his forehead to hers. "I don't want to leave you. I never want to be away from you or Eddie, ever. I don't feel good about any of this."

Seth sighs almost comically, as he sits up again and says, "I just have this feeling that I can't shake, Spidey-senses gone awry. Richie called last night and he sounded really freaked out, tripping like he's on crack. And I can't…"

"Hey, come on,” she interjects. “Enough of the kicked puppy look, Seth. It's okay. We're okay, and when you get to Richie, he'll be okay too."

"So, you want me to go then?"

"Are you looking for me to tell you not to go? Because, I'm not going to do that. You're a big boy; you can make your own decisions."

"So, that's it? I'm going to leave next week and you're fine with that?"

She's not looking to start a fight with Seth. But, if he's going to be aggressive she has a right to defend herself. "Seth, I want you to be there for Richie, and I know you've made up your mind about this already. What do you want from me?" Kate asks defensively.

"You're not supposed to be understanding here, Princess," he says with a shake of his head. "Ah, fuck." Seth pulls Kate into his lap, leans them both back on the couch, and rests his head over her heart. "You're supposed to bitch and moan and make me regret ever thinking about leaving. And I'm supposed to cry and grovel, and try to assuage your trepidations."

She laughs at the way he waves his hands as he says 'assuage'. "'Assuage my trepidations'? Have you been practicing your speeches again there, Churchill?" Kate asks, as she lifts his chin and continues laughing when she sees Seth smirk.

He puts his head back on her shoulder, and she starts running her fingers through his hair and up and down his spine. She loves these quiet moments with him. They haven't had much time to just sit and be together. That's the only reason she hasn’t shoved him off of her to get to her nachos.

"Seth, it's fine. Eddie and I will manage until you get back."

"No, Kate, that's one thing I did right," he says while sitting up again. Kate is starting to get whiplash from the constant up and down. "I spoke to Gonzalez, and he said they'd be happy to have you and Eddie over while I'm gone."

"Wait, what? Since when are you and Ranger Gonzalez on friendly speaking terms?"

"We're not, not technically. He tolerates me, for you and Eddie. He still hates my guts."

"He does not hate your guts."

"When I call, he likes to remind me that he's always keeping tabs on us. His opening line is usually, 'Has Kate left you yet?'"

"You're exaggerating."

"Scouts honour."

"Please, you were never a boy scout."

"Of course not. I had a certain reputation to uphold."

"Of course, reputation is everything. Obviously. But seriously Seth, Margaret…"

"We're not trying to recruit Ranger Rick back into the fold," he interrupts. "I know that he needed out for the sake of his family. I understand that."

"Okay, fine. When is he expecting us? And what's going to happen to Jeds and the bar?"

"Anytime from tomorrow, the day after maybe. Diego is going to make a plan with the bar, and you say that Ana's prepared for Jed's, so whenever we're ready. Hey, you're really okay with this?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Kate?"

She moves to hug Seth, wraps her arms around his neck and squeezes him tightly. She pulls away to cup his face and gives him a quick kiss. "We're okay, Seth. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out."

"Partners?"

"You bet your sexy ass, Gecko," she says as she resettles herself in his lap, knees on either side of him.

"Don't objectify me."

Kate tries her best not to smile, but fails. She tries her most seductive smile, pushes his chest to make him sit further on the couch, and slowly moves further into Seth's lap. She leans forward to whisper in his ear. As sultry as possible, she says, "You sure you don't want me objectifying you?" She bites his earlobe, and smiles when she hears him groan.

She grabs her nachos as she sits back on the couch, next to Seth. Her cheeks are starting to burn again from smirking so much.

"Sweetheart, one of these days you're going to be the death of me," he says, shaking his head slightly before he steals more of her nachos.

"Well, if you die while culebra-hunting, I'll kill you for real."

He softly strokes her cheek, and starts playing with the tips of her hair. "You can't get rid of me that easily, but I promise to be extra careful."

She puts her plate down - at this point, the nachos are too cold to enjoy anyway. "Thank you," she says as she maneuvers into his lap again and gives Seth a slow kiss. "But we really have to stop fighting about this. When you need to, you be there for Richie. Just promise me that you'll always stay safe."

"Cross my heart, and hope to die."

"Very funny. I suggest you keep your day job, Mr. Comedian."

\---------

Seth has no idea how he got so lucky. He has the most amazing woman in his arms, all his. If it were up to him, he'd never leave her or Eddie. He has Kate in his lap, Eddie asleep in the nursery, and everything is right in the world. Fuck, this thing with Richie came at the worst possible time. But then Seth thinks about how desperate Richie sounded on the phone, and he knows that he needs to be at Richie's side.

"Your nachos are getting cold, Princess," he tells her, even though neither of them seem very interested in food.

She's twirling her hair, giving him a sexy smile, and says, "Maybe I'm hungry for something else?"

This evening took a turn.

"Kate, I was joking earlier. We don't have to do anything..."

"Shhhh," she interrupts him, pressing her index finger over his lips.

"You sure about this? I know you've been tired and busy, and I wanted to give you space. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I do want to, Seth. That's not the problem."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she answers, as she moves to sit next to him on the couch instead of in his lap. His dick has never been more disappointed with his mouth.

"I'm sorry I've been weird about the sex stuff since Eddie was born. Pregnancy and labour does weird things, and no one ever tells you. We hosted so many christenings at the church and the moms always looked so happy with their baby. Honestly, I thought something was wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you, Princess."

"I know now that there's nothing wrong with me. I just…You know that Mommy-and-Me class that I've been going to with Eddie? I got into a conversation with one of the older moms, and she brought up her sex life. Apparently, it took her over a year to get into sex again after she gave birth the first time."

"Over a year? Really?"

"Yeah, and did you know that the breastfeeding lowers your libido, and your vagina never goes back to the way it was before. Oh, and she advised using lube."

"Wow, okay," he says with a shake of his head. That is a lot of new information to take in. "Kate, why didn't you say anything before? Wait, I didn't… I've never hurt you or anything, have I?"

She hesitates. "Err, it's sometimes uncomfortable,"

"Jesus."

"But you didn't hurt me. Seth, don’t start another fight. I should've spoken up about it sooner, but I don't know, I guess sex is still hard for me to talk about."

"Kate."

"Don't 'Kate' me. We're talking about it now, and I'll try harder in future. Baby steps. For tonight, can you just be with me."

"It's not fine, Kate. Look at me. If I ever do anything that resembles forcing myself on you, you castrate me. You castrate me hard…

"But please do it quick and, for the love of God, let me have some painkillers beforehand."

He's being sarcastic, obviously. Kate, the minx, starts tapping her chin with her index finger, pretending to ponder his proposal.

"Kate?"

"I'm not that interested in violence, anymore. I mean, I'll definitely kick your useless butt out, for sure. Maybe I'll leave the castrating to Scott. And Freddie."

"You forgot Richie," he supplies, because let's be honest, Richie loves Kate.

"Richie would castrate you?"

"If I touched you without your consent, he'd do that and worse." Seth has a sudden imagine of a snake coming out of Richie's mouth, heading towards the artery in his neck. He shivers unintentionally and says, "I really don't like snakes."

"Seth, come on," Kate says as she pinches his cheek and moves his chin to get him to look at her. "No spirally tonight. Okay?"

"Yeah, fine," he responds.

"Seth?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Are we done talking now?" Kate asks. She's giving him bedroom eyes and smiling coquettishly. Fuck he's missed this Kate.

"Are you sure?" Seth asks her again, because he needs to know that she's sure.

"Are you unsure?" Kate asks in return. He's not surprised, never simple answers with her. "Come on, you know I never do anything I don’t want to," she says as she starts making patterns on his chest with the tip of her index finger.

"Maybe, but I can also be very persuasive."

"Oh please," she responds with a laugh. "I've seen the kitchen floor after you try to feed peas to Eddie."

"Hey, the kid has the right idea. Peas are disgusting."

"Focus, Seth. Do you really want to discuss the nutritional value of peas right now?"

"I guess not," he says, leaning back into the couch and tapping his thigh in invitation. "By all means, Mrs. Gecko, please have your way with me."

"As enticing as that proposal sounds, you need to manage your expectations Mr. Gecko. Full disclosure, we may have to settle on a PG version tonight. I haven't bought any lube or condoms yet."

"We don't, wait… there's a PG version?"

"Yeah well, Janine was saying that sex doesn't only have to be intercourse. The important part is communication - speaking about what you need, being there for each other. You know?"

"Janine sounds like an interesting gal."

"Take it easy, Sparky. You're stuck with me tonight. And I know what you're thinking, and stop it. Communication doesn't mean dirty talk."

"PG and no dirty talk, got it. Anything else I need to know?"

"Uhm," she pretends to ponder as she climbs into his lap again. "No, I think that's everything," she says with a smile. He leans in to kiss her, but Kate pulls away at the last second. She's wearing this sexy smirk, which drives him wild. The semi he's been sporting, since she first crawled into his lap, just got notably harder. Fuck, he's missed this.

"Ready when you are, Princess."

She has her hands in his hair, tugging slightly. The smirk on her face falters slightly, and his hands tighten on her waist instinctively. "Hey, say no at any time, okay?"

She smiles so sweetly, and he’s sure that his heart is about to pop right out of his chest. When she starts kissing him again, he wraps his arms around her, pulling her hard against him.

She pulls away long enough to get his t-shirt off, then she starts kissing down his neck, biting at his collarbone. Seth could die a happy man right now. "You're so beautiful, Kate. I love you so much," he whispers into hair. Kate responds by grinding against his groin in earnest, and Seth is half sure that he's just died.

He must've groaned or something because Kate's laughing at him.

He retaliates by manhandling her onto the couch. His body looming over hers, he starts tickling her, for the selfish fact that he loves to hear her laugh. He knows that she hates being tickled for long, so he quickly returns to kissing her - on her sweet lips, on her cheeks, on her pulse point, on her collarbone. When his kisses reach her boobs, Kate abruptly pushes him off of her. Seth freezes.

"Sorry," she says quickly. "Breasts are tender from the breastfeeding."

"That's okay," he responds, aiming a kiss for a stomach when he sees her flinch.

Seth sighs softly and glances up to see her looking embarrassed. He grabs her hand, stroking her knuckles gently, trying his best to reassure her that she's safe. "Darlin', I'm happy if we only stick to some tonsil-hockey on the couch?"

"I'm just being silly. There's no logical reason for me to be nervous about this." She almost burrows into herself as she says, "I'm sorry."

He climbs back up to her, gives her a light kiss on the cheek. "You don't have to apologize to me, Baby. We go as slow as you need. How about you choose a safe word then, hey?"

"Foliage!" Kate responds quickly. At least she's smiling again, so he'll take that as a win.

"Okay," he starts. "But that's not a normal safe word."

"What? It's Michael and Jan's safe word?"

"Who?"

"I've been watching The Office reruns lately."

"Urgh, I changed my mind," he says as he climbs off of Kate and sits back in the couch. "Just thinking about that weirdo having sex is making me lose wood."

"Seth," she moans as she climbs into his lap again, and slides down until she's settled directly over his groin. He groans again; his dick literally doesn't know if it's going up or down. "You're killing me."

"Still losing wood?" Kate asks, giant smirk in place.

He tries desperately to think up a witty retort, but honestly, his dick was never too keen on thinking. He instead runs his hands up her legs, squeezing her hips and says, "I love you, Mrs. Gecko."

The smile she gives him is blinding. He's almost reluctant to start kissing her again. Almost.

He sticks to keeping his hands around her hips as they kiss, but his hands are itching to touch, feel, caress everything else. He gets distracted from the little nips of her teeth and the feeling of her fingernails scraping his skin; her hands are everywhere over his body.

"You like that, huh?" Kate asks smugly. He can only let his head fall back on the couch, eyes closed, as he groans again. He's trained a monster. A beautiful monster who is going to be the death of him. Without thinking, he's pulling the zipper of her jeans down and circles her clit with his thumb.

They both freeze, eyes wide. Seth waits with bated breath, looking for any sign of discomfort or hesitation. She bites her lower lip and gives him a little nod. "Thank fuck," he says against her lips as she starts kissing and grinding with renewed enthusiasm.

Seth gets lost in everything that is Kate. His dick is refusing to calm the fuck down and persevere, the traitor. He starts thinking about old people, snakes, road kill, literally anything to make him last just a little longer. But Kate is moaning softly above him. He's done when she scrapes her fingernails along the length of his back and bites at his right collarbone.

"Foliage!" Seth cries out, unintentionally.

"What?" Kate asks, before she bursts out laughing. Seth pauses and silently prays for the world to split and swallow him whole.

"I had to think about… was trying to prolong…" he stutters.

She interrupts him with a deep kiss, which is in dispersed with giggles from Kate.

"Kate."

She shushes him quickly. "No. Just be with me, Seth. I've missed you. I miss feeling close to you."

"I'm always close to you," he says as he starts circling her clit again with his thumb, and kisses her shoulder, her neck, her lips.

She comes with her lips an inch from his, her eyes screwed shut, and her hands pulling roughly at his hair.

"I think that other pharmacy is still open, if you're thinking about the lube and condoms," he whispers into her ear when she's aware enough to hear him.

"Foliage," she whispers in response, and Seth hangs his head and groans. "You're never going to let me live this down, are you?"

"Oh, come on, Grumpy. It's funny," she says as she climbs off of him and rights herself.

"Kill me."

"Maybe later, if someone offers me enough money and I have nothing better to do. But I really want to cuddle for a bit first."

He's uncomfortable and still embarrassed, but shifts to pull her with him as he lies down on the couch. Kate settles half on top of him, resting her head over his heart. He plays with the tips of her, still so surprised at how soft it is.

"Hey, Princess. We don't need sex for us to feel close. We just need you and me, like this. Better together, remember?"

He feels her nodding slightly, as she tightens her hold around him.

"How about," he continues, "we plan a weekend away when I get back? On the beach somewhere, just you, me, and Eddie - sand between your toes, waking up to the smell of the sea. How does that sound?"

"Heavenly."

"Maybe even some 'Cake by the Ocean' if you're interested," he half-teasingly suggests.

She laughs and she turns her head to look at him. "You get yourself home in one piece, and I'm sure I can be persuaded," she says with a wink before settling back into his arms.

They're both quiet. A calm, restful quiet where his only focus is the sound of her breathing. He strokes her hair, her back, up and down her arm. He tries committing every inch of her, of this moment, to his memory.

"Be safe, okay," she says after a while, barely above a whisper. "You're not immortal, or supernatural, or as young as you used to be."

"Way to kick a man when his down, Princess."

"I mean it, Seth."

"I promise. I'm in the safe zone, kiddie pool, got the training wheels on and all that. This Gecko is sticking around for as long as you'll have me."

"Good," she says as she sits up and eats from her plate of nachos. "So, what exactly is the dispute with the culebra clans?"

"You offering to help mediate the vamp gang war?" Seth asks, sitting up and trying to steal from her nachos.

"I'm always here to help you. And it's an added bonus if it gets you home sooner. Also, Seth, they're not a gang."

"Fine, clan war. Whatever. Hey, you're not gonna go all Buffy on me, are you?"

"Katie the Vampire Slayer? I don't think so. I'm an original, not a knockoff. So, anyway, culebra war? You going to tell me the issue, or what?"

"It's all that asshole, Carlito's fault," he starts.


	8. "like everything i've ever lost come back to me"

[Kate]: Your son's head is too big for his body.

[Seth]: ???

[Kate]: When he's tired of crawling, he'll just stop and put his head down on the ground. Like he's taking a break. It's hilarious.

Kate sends a photo as proof. This one is her favourite. Billy is on the floor next to Eddie, who has clearly given up on life. His head is resting on the ground and his hands are balled up tightly into tiny fists. Billy is trying desperately to coax him into crawling again.

[Seth]: Smart kid, he knows the importance of rest. He clearly takes after his…

[Kate]: …?

[Seth]: ...mother :)

[Kate]: Funny, but don't quit your day job, Sparky.

[Seth]: Awww, I miss you too, Princess ;)

[Kate]: Do you know yet when you'll be home?

[Seth]: Before you know it, Sweetheart. Give the little troublemaker a kiss from me.

Kate picks up Eddie from the makeshift playpen - she really needs to get Eddie a real playpen, instead of fashioning one out of throw pillows. She poses for a selfie, while giving Eddie a kiss on the cheek. Things don't go exactly as planned, and Kate lands up with a face full of spit as Eddie tries to use her chin as teething toy. She sends the photo to Seth anyway.

[Kate]: Someone already thinks he's outgrown kisses from his momma.

[Seth]: Kid doesn't know how good he has it.

[Kate]: Call me later, okay? I have to run. It's someone's bath time.

[Seth]: If it's yours, I'd like some photographic evidence.

[Seth]: Please?

[Kate]: sfkjldsiujfsdkli

[Kate]: oinsfdksdfij

[Seth]: I'm kidding, Kate.

[Kate]: Sorry, Eddie was trying to take another selfie.

[Seth]: I gotta go, Kate. Chat later?

[Kate]: Stay safe, Gecko... If I'm going to send you dirty pictures, you had better be alive to see them.

[Seth]: You're too good to me. I love you.

"...then you can play," Margret says as she and Billy walk into the house, with a few bags of groceries. Eddie starts shrieking and kicking at the sight of Billy. He dives headfirst into Margret's arms. "Well hey there, handsome," Margret says as she takes Eddie from Kate. She pinches his nose and tickles his belly, leaving Eddie squealing with laughter. Eddie, however, quickly starts fussing again as he tries to reach Billy.

"He's not afraid to betray the rest of us for his favourites. Sorry," Kate says to Margret as they both laugh at Eddie's shenanigans.

"Eddie wants to play, Mommy," Billy says, hand tugging on her mother's shirt. Eddie reaches over in earnest, desperate to get out of Margret's arms and into Billy's.

"Okay, okay, Aunt Margret gets the picture," Margret says as she pinches Eddie's nose again, and gives him a kiss on top of his head. She crouches down, to release Eddie into Billy's eagerly awaiting arms. Both children exclaim with excitement. "Ten minutes of playtime, Billy. We have a ton of homework to do before dinner," Margret reminds Billy as the kids start playing in the makeshift playpen.

"Is Freddie not home yet?" Margret asks Kate, as they walk over to the kitchen with the bags.

"He should be soon," Kate replies. "He said he was picking up some fish tacos for dinner."

"Great, then I can leave the chicken for tomorrow," Margret says, as she starts packing away the groceries.

"I was thinking of cooking some chicken piccata?" Kate asks, one eye on the kids in the living room. Sometimes Billy forgets that Eddie is much younger than she is, and she plays a little rough.

"Kate, we've spoken about this," Margret replies curtly, clearly not pleased with Kate insisting on cooking.

"I know, I know," Kate tries placating. "But you've done so much for us. The least I can do is help with the food."

"You haven't let me cook for what, two weeks now?" Margret asks. "I'm beginning to feel like a bad host."

"It was two weeks yesterday," Kate says softly.

"Kate," Margret says with a sigh. "I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"Yeah, I know," Kate answers. "It's just... It's been two weeks already." She's trying not to be a downer. She knows that she told Seth to leave, to go help Richie. She knows they won't be gone for much longer, but the waiting, the not knowing, it's enough to make anyone worry. And it's been two whole weeks and she misses him.

"Has he told you what's been happening," Margret starts. "No, wait. Don't tell me. If Freddie is staying out of it, then so should I."

"And Freddie really doesn't want to go back?" Kate asks. Kate knows that some of the culebra prophecies involve Freddie and his bloodline. It's sometimes easier to think of everything they've been through as a series of predestined events. But she doesn't know how Freddie has managed to outrun destiny.

"That's what he says," Margret replies. "It was either the culebra world or our family. He said it was an easy choice to make."

"Of course, it was," Kate says, with a look at Billy and Eddie in the playpen. "But I think it's a little different for us. Scott and Richie are family too. And I never want to make Seth have to choose between Richie and us."

"Kate, life is making choices. Your family has as much of a right to Seth as his brother does."

"But they're family," Kate argues. "They're a team, Margret."

"And you're not? Kate, you're his wife, his partner. And Eddie is his child."

Kate takes a deep breathe. She can feel herself getting worked up, but there’s no point in getting mad when Margret is simply trying to help. "I know, okay. You... But you don't understand."

"You know that there's no love lost between me and the Gecko brothers, Kate. Freddie may have made his peace with them, but I haven't found it in my heart to do that yet. So, know that I don't say this lightly... Seth, I've seen how he is with you. With both you and Eddie. He worships the ground the walk on. If you asked,"

"I know that, Margret," Kate interjects. "That's not the problem. I can't ask him to leave Richie. I've seen what happens when the brothers aren't together."

"That doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship. They're both grown men, living their own lives. And, from what I hear, Richie is a major player in the culebra underworld. He can take care of himself. Kate, all I'm saying is that if you told Seth that you needed him, he would stay."

There's a loud thud coming from the living room. Kate looks over to find both kids frozen, staring at what used to be a very intricate Transformer toy that Billy and Freddie built.

"Uh oh," Eddie says with wide eyes, as Billy bursts into tears.

Both Kate and Margret run over to pick up their children.

"There, there," Margret says to try to soothe Billy. "It's okay Billy-bear. Your dad will be home soon to help you fix it."

"But it's broken, Mama!" Billy cries, startling Eddie and causing him to cry as well.

"We'll fix it. Don't worry, Sweetie," Margret soothes.

"I think it's someone's bath time," Kate says over the crying.

"Kate," Margret stops Kate from leaving, hand placed on her arm. "I don't mean to overstep. I know that you're doing the best that you can, and that I don't understand your relationship with the Geckos. But you and your amazing kid mean a lot to me and my family. I just want you to be happy." She waits for Kate to acknowledge her before continuing. "You miss him. You need him. Tell him that. You're entitled to tell him that."

Kate nods slightly. "Margret, for what it's worth, I'm really sorry that the Geckos are still in your life because of me."

"Don't be," Margret says with a smile and a wink. "Because I'm not sorry."

All through Eddie's bath time, Kate thinks about what she's going to say to Seth when he calls later. Only, by midnight, he still hasn't called.

\-----------------

Kate gets a random phone call from Seth, after taking an hour to put Eddie down for his afternoon nap. He's recently started taking only one long nap in the day, instead of a number of shorter naps. For everyone's sanity, Kate makes sure that he goes down for that nap, even if it takes him forever to fall asleep.

"Seth, what's wrong," she whispers when she answers her phone. Their calls are usually at night, and always scheduled.

"Nothing’s wrong. Don't worry. How's Eddie?" Seth asks.

"He's fine. Is everything okay, Seth? Where's Richie?" Kate asks. She's always relieved to hear Seth's voice, but he never makes an unscheduled call; something must be wrong.

"He's here. Everything's fine. Kate, listen to me. Start packing up your things. Richie and I are on our way to fetch you."

"You are?" Kate asks in disbelief. "But what about..."

"Kate, it's done," he interrupts. "I mean it. I'm done for good this time. I'm coming home, baby."

\-----------------

Kate really tries to delay Eddie's bedtime so that he can see Seth before he goes to sleep. But Little Mister is completely tuckered out, and after an afternoon of toy searching, packing, and re-packing, Kate is ready to join him.

"You think you have everything packed?" Margret whispers from the door to the guest bedroom.

"I think so. But I can't seem to keep track of all his toys anymore, so I may forget a few," Kate says as she struggles to close the zip of Eddie's bag.

"I'll save it for the next time you bring this cupcake to visit," Margret says as she leans in to the crib to give Eddie a kiss on the forehead. "You sure you don't need anything else? I can make a quick run to the store?"

"No, thanks. Seth should be here soon," Kate replies, with a yawn.

"He better get here soon or you're staying another night. I don't see you waking up again any time soon after your head finally hits the hay," Margret teases.

"Haha, very funny" she says as she finally closes the bag and collapses onto the bed. "Aren't you missing Billy's story time?"

"We just finished. Freddie is tucking her in," she says as she sits next to Kate on the bed.

"He really loves that little girl."

"We both do. And maybe soon, there’ll be another one to love..."

"Margret, oh my God." Kate sits up promptly, eyes wide with shock.

"I'm not pregnant," Margret says quickly, while Kate is ready to attack her with overflowing excitement. "Don't start congratulating me. But… Freddie and I have been talking, and I think that we're ready to try for another."

"That's really great news. Margret, oh my God," she says while she gives Margret a hug. "You're amazing. Any kid would be lucky to have you as their mother."

"Thanks Kate. I hope you know that no matter how busy it gets in this house, you're always welcome here."

"I know. Thank you for everything, Margret."

Margret helps Kate pack the last few items in the remaining bags. Freddie joins them to help move the luggage into the living room. They're just about finished when the front doorbell rings. Kate sprints to the front door, giant grin on her face. She hurriedly opens the front door, and finds Scott waiting for her.

"Scott, hi," she greets, and hugs her brother to hide her surprise.

"Happy to see you too, Sis," Scott replies sarcastically, and steps past her into the house. "Eddie sleeping?"

"Yeah, fast asleep." She grabs his arm to stop him and asks, "Hey, Scott?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are Seth and Richie?"

"Oh, I think they're scared of Margret. So, they're hiding in the RV."

"The what?"

"Ranger Gonzalez," Scott greets as he wonders further through the house.

"The what?" Kate repeats, as she approaches the giant RV parked opposite the house.

It's clearly a luxury RV. It's long, and shiny, and definitely expensive. Kate spots Seth standing in the doorway. He's leaning against the door-frame, trying to look all cool, calm, and collected.

Kate walks up to Seth. She can't find the right thing to say to him, so she greets by saying, "so, this is a surprise."

Seth stands up straight, unfolding his arms as he steps off the RV, and says, "Kate, I can explain."

"I'm sure you can," she says with a laugh. All she can really think about is how much she's missed Seth. "But I could use a hug first, Mister."

Kate steps into his open arms, and Seth wraps her up in a tight hug. She takes a moment to breathe him in and enjoys the feeling of his arms around her. Kate grabs Seth's chin, squeezes his cheeks, and when he pulls a funny face, she laughs. "I've missed this face," she says, as she pulls him in for a deep kiss.

"If I hear any weird noises from the bed in the back, I'm crashing the RV," Richie interrupts from somewhere behind Seth.

Seth pulls away from her slightly, puts a finger up, and says, "shut up, Richard."

Kate hears a thud behind her as Scott says, "oh no, please, no one help me carry all the bags from the house."

"I would, but Mrs. Ranger is definitely packing a stake with my name on it," Richie replies as he extracts Kate from Seth and pulls her in for a hug. "Hiya, Sis. You miss me?"

"Hi Richie. It's good to see you still... not dead and kicking?"

"Not if I step foot in that house," Richie retorts.

"Okay, everyone calm down. Richie, pack these bags into the RV. Scott and I will get the rest of the bags." Seth turns to Kate, gives her a quick peck on the lips and says, "you, go rest up."

He gives her a pat on the butt as he whispers into her ear, "I got this RV just for the enormous bed in the back."

"There's a bed in a back?" Kate asks, as Scott fake gags and walks back to the house.

Richie carries some of the bags into the RV, and says snidely, "or maybe Scott could just murder Seth if he hears weird noises from the bed."

"Go make yourself useful, Richard."

"Yes, sir."

Kate sighs and shakes her head at their antics. Some things never seem to change.

"Come on, Sparky. We need to fetch our kid."

\-----------------

Kate wakes up when she hears Eddie fussing. She's a little disorientated until she remembers that they're driving in a luxury RV from Freddie's house to California. Seth didn't have a chance to tell her all of the details. After they had everything packed in the RV and Eddie settled, Seth made her lie down on the bed and Kate promptly fell asleep.

Kate checks the time on her phone; they've been on the road for about two hours and it's been a few more since Eddie’s last had something to eat. She kisses Seth's arm around her as she moves it to get up from the bed.

"Hi munchkin. You hungry?" Kate whispers as she lifts Eddie, and moves to one of the couches at the front of the RV to breastfeed him. Richie is still driving, and Scott's asleep on the couch opposite her.

"Ow, easy tiger," she whispers to Eddie, who is sucking as if he's been starved. She sees Richie turn his head to see the commotion. "Eyes in front, Gecko," she tries her best to scold, but she starts smiling when she sees Richie smirk and quickly turn to face the road again.

It's a few minutes where they drive in silence before Richie speaks. "Little Critter's grown since I last saw him."

"Yeah, they do a lot of growing at this age." Kate runs her fingers along Eddie's arms, down his legs, and under his feet. "He's even stopped doing that grunting thing that he always used to do. I miss that."

"Are you broody again, Kate? I'm not gonna lie, I don't know if Seth is ready for another little rascal."

"No, not broody. I just can't believe he used to fit inside my belly."

"Your uterus."

"Yes, my uterus. Thank you for clarifying that Richard."

"It looks good on you, you know - being a mom."

"I still don't know what I'm doing. But thanks. "

"Spoiler alert, no one knows what they're doing, Kate. Gotta fake it, till you make it."

She re-positions Eddie to her other breast when she sees that he's still hungry. She needs to find where they packed Eddie’s bottle, in case he wakes up later. "What does that look like for us, Richie... Making it?"

She sees, from the corner of her eye, Richie steal a glance at her. "Where's your head at, Katie? Talk to me."

"You want to tell me what all of this is about?" Kate asks with a sigh. "You show up with an RV out of nowhere. No one's said anything about what happened since you've been gone. And, why is Seth saying that he's done?"

"Because he is done. All of us, we're done."

"Richie, I don't understand. Sonofa... Ow, Eddie. Not so rough on my nipples."

"I can't help you with the nipples," Richie says. "And you really need to talk to Seth about the other stuff."

"I'm talking to you Richie. What happened?"

"Kate,"

"Please, Richie," she interjects. "I have a right to know."

Richie shakes his head, contemplating. She watches him take a deep breath and grip the steering wheel tighter. "Look, it’s just… we realised that it's never gonna end and there may be no way out of it if we didn’t stop now."

"Out of what?"

"This culebra warfare. Today it's fighting over turf, tomorrow it's probably some dumb infighting for a bigger cut, and who knows what else. It's never going to be over. So, as long as we're in the culebra world, we're in the war."

"So, you're walking away?

"Yeah, we're walking away. Kate, think about it. Seth hasn't been himself since Matanzas and Amaru. I can see it. When we're on a job, he used to be in it, you know? One hundred percent. But not anymore. I think that's because a part of him is always thinking about you. And now it's you and Eddie. And that's not going to work, and it's going to get him killed."

“Did he get hurt?”

“God, no. Nothing like that.”

"Okay, but that doesn't explain why you're also walking away."

"Come on, Katie. We're family. And you know that two Geckos are always better than one."

"And what about Kisa?" Kate asks. Because there must be something he hasn't properly thought through. They can't be done.

"Kisa is a grown woman, and she has a good team around her now. She'll be okay."

"But Richie, I thought this life is what you wanted? Making something for yourself outside of the Gecko Brothers. What aren't you telling me?"

Richie pulls the RV over to the side of the road, and puts the vehicle into park. Kate manoeuvres Eddie so he can rest his head on her shoulder, and walks towards the front seat. "Mummm," Eddie says as he pops his head back up to see around him. She likes to think that he's calling her "mum", but he's said "Mummm" to his bottle too; she's not holding her breath. "Hi, baby. We need to be quiet because it's bedtime," she tells him as she gets him to settle his head against her shoulder.

She looks back at Richie. He has his glasses off, and he's pinching the bridge of his nose. She sits in the passenger seat, and waits for Richie to speak.

"I thought he died."

Kate feels her heart contract, but she decides to wait for Richie instead of saying anything.

"There was a scuffle and I lost track of Seth for a few minutes. When I found him, he was on the ground. Unconscious. He was fine, barely a scratch a him, but I didn't know that. I thought he died, Kate, and I panicked. Money and power, what does it matter if it costs you the people that you love? I have other lifetimes to be something outside of the Gecko Brothers. I think that for this life, I'd rather stay here with you."

"What about Jeds and the bar? You're honestly telling me that you're fine to walk away from all of that?"

"Kate, I don't know. We haven't worked out the details yet. But when we decided that we needed to get out, Seth wouldn't wait another minute to see you. And he really did choose this RV for the bed."

Kate smiles and nods, and stands from the seat. She beckons for Richie to stand up, and awkwardly hugs him with a squirming Eddie trapped between them. When he pulls away, she shifts to place her forehead onto his. She closes her eyes when he does, and tries to have her brain convey to Richie through touch, all the things she can't seem to say.

"Thank you for always taking care of him," she eventually whispers.

"Ditto, Sis," he says as he pulls away.

"Why have we stopped?" a still half-asleep Scott asks as he stumbles from the couch.

"Eddie was hungry, and now has to be changed from the smell of it," she answers.

"I'll take care of that," Richie offers as he takes Eddie from her. "It's Scott's turn to drive anyway."

"No, it's not," Scott retorts.

"Fine," Richie says as he tries to hand Eddie over to Scott. "You change Eddie then."

"Urgh, fine. I'll drive," Scott relents. "But can I make some coffee first?"

"Scott, you're a culebra..."

"Okay, boys," Kate interrupts. "Bring Eddie to us if he takes too long to fall asleep. I'm going back to bed. "

"Can I join you if I manage to put Eddie down?" Richie asks after her.

"Ew, dude. That's my sister. And your brother," Scott says with disgust.

"So? The bed's big enough. It's not my fault you didn't…"

Kate closes the partition to the little bedroom, and tries to tune out the rest of the bickering. The RV starts driving again, as she climbs back into bed.

"Kate?" Seth asks sleepily, as he rolls over to face her.

"I'm here," she says as she curls up next to him.

"Where's Eddie? Is he up? Why didn't you wake me?"

"You know that your eyes are still closed, right?" Kate asks with a laugh and a shake of her head.

"Mmmm, I can be up now," he mumbles, eyes still closed.

"Go back to sleep, old man," she teases with a kiss to his forehead.

"Oh, now, I'm up," he says. Squinting through one eye, he grabs Kate by her arms and pulls her on top of him.

He gives her a poke in her side, but then puts his head back down and closes his eyes. "I thought you were getting up?" Kate asks.

"In a minute," he answers, eyes still closed. "I'm planning my next move."

"Yeah, I bet you are."

She stares at him for a bit. Kate remembers what Richie said earlier, and tries to imagine her life without Seth. She shakes a head, almost as if she can physically remove the bad thoughts. She hugs Seth closer to her, brushes her lips across his collarbone then up along his neck.

"You should've said you wanted me to be the other 'up'," Seth whispers into Kate's hair.

"No, I'm trying to protect you from the evil in the world with my body."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?" Seth runs his hands up her legs, pinches her butt, and says, "by all means, protect away."

She rolls off onto her side of the bed, and Seth opens his eyes properly to look at her.

"Hey," he says softly, full of concern. He brushes his hand across her cheek, and then winds his fingers in her hair. "Kate, what's wrong?"

"I just missed you. A lot. And I'm glad you're here. I forgot how much I needed you."

Seth gives her a soft kiss. "I'm not leaving you again, Kate. I'm sorry that I ever did."

He wipes away a stray tear from her cheek, before she settles against him.

"So, vacation in California?" Kate whispers after a while, in case Seth is already asleep.

"Told you I'd take you to the beach when I got back."


	9. "it was only and ever love."

The buzzing next to Seth's ear startles him awake. He quickly dismisses his alarm and turns around slowly to check the damage. By some miracle, Kate and Eddie are still sound asleep and he breathes a sigh of relief. He feels the back of Eddie's neck to check his temperature. Poor kid has not had an easy time teething - he's constantly overheating, crying, and not sleeping well. He selfishly convinced Kate to move Eddie to their bed at night; kid sleeps better that way. But Eddie somehow always rolls over towards Kate and either gets his fingers or toes tangled in her hair - so, Kate doesn't sleep well. 

He takes a second to watch them and smiles and takes a photo. They both look like perfect angels, but Seth's not going to tempt fate by disturbing the peace. He gets up and dressed as quietly as possible, grabs Eddie's baby monitor, and makes his way to the kitchen for Phase 1 of his plan. 

He opens curtains and windows as he goes, to get the smell of the ocean into the house. This house that Richie organised for them on the Pacific coast is excessive, the latest tech and smartest finishes everywhere. It took all four of them over an hour to figure out how to turn on the stupid stove on their first night here. He makes it to the kitchen and finds all the necessary requirements quickly. He chops up mushrooms, peppers, and fruit, readies the pancake mixture, and puts on some water for coffee and Eddie's bottle. 

Even though the rain has left them holed up in the house every day since they got here, being here has been perfect. Everyone he loves is together, under one roof. Days and nights spent lounging around the house - it's nothing short of paradise. Well, almost paradise. Between Eddie and their nocturnal siblings, he and Kate haven't had much ‘alone’ time. Not that he's been complaining to anyone. He was pretty content not to bring it up, but then Kate decided to surprise him in the shower the other morning. They barely managed to get reacquainted before Eddie woke up, screaming blue murder. So today, he's planned a three-phase love heist. For Phase 1, he's making breakfast while Kate sleeps in. For Phase 2, he's going to take Eddie to the beach and put him down for at least a 2-hour nap, and for Phase 3, Richie's helping to set up a date night. 

He leaves the pancake mixture to rest and starts packing Eddie's baby bag for the beach, and obviously stands on a baby toy in the process. There's so much baby stuff all over the place - this is some temporary digs for Christ's sake. Kate doesn't buy much for herself but seems to go crazy for baby stuff. Eddie already has a shelf of storybooks, and he's not old enough to read. He doesn't know if it's part of the new mom nesting thing, or if he has to resign himself to a future of mess and clutter. 

He hears commotion through the baby monitor, and rushes back to the room before Kate wakes up. He's not fast enough. By the time he walks through the bedroom door, Eddie has crawled over Kate's face and is basically trying to burrow into her chest while he cries. Kate is whispering tenderly to soothe him. 

Phase 1 goal of having breakfast done before Kate wakes up: failed.

"You're up early," Kate says, rolling over with Eddie in her arms. 

"That's because you're sleeping in today," he replies, leaning over to give her a quick kiss. "And you're coming with me, little man." He grabs Eddie, who starts groaning louder. 

"And where will you be while I'm sleeping in?" Kate asks. She sits up, looking unsure if she should get out of bed as Eddie starts crying his version of 'mom'. 

"It's okay, buddy," he says, cradling Eddie close to him. "I have a bottle ready," he says to Kate. "Then diaper change." 

"Do I have a role in this?" Kate asks. "Making breakfast, maybe?"

"Everything's prepped," he says with a wave of his hand. "Breakfast will be ready when you are." He looks over at Kate when Eddie finally settles down, and she's still half-way to climbing out of bed. She smiles softly but doesn't seem convinced that he has everything under control.

"Hey, I used to make you breakfast all the time before Eddie was born," he says in his defence.

"I know, I know," she says, lifting her arms in surrender. "You sure I can't help a little?" She's trying to give him an encouraging smile. He's about to relent, but then Kate yawns spectacularly - eyes closed and sighing loudly. 

"Easy does it there, Princess. I've got this." He makes a point of watching her climb back under the covers before making his way to the kitchen with Eddie. 

"It's you and me this morning, Buddy. You excited?"

"Mummm," Eddie protests.

"Mom is sleeping in, but Dad made you a bottle."

"Dah!" Eddie answers.

"Yes. You're with your Dad today," he says, grabbing the bottle from the counter. Eddie used to fall asleep with his morning feed, back when he also took multiple naps during the day. Now, they're lucky if he naps more than one hour a day. They settle on one of the nearby couches for Eddie's morning feed. Kid can't get to the bottle fast enough, and nearly chokes in the first five minutes. "Easy, Buddy. I know you're hungry, but your Mom's gonna kill me if you choke."

As if on cue, Kate sneaks into the room. "I got hungry," she whispers while trying to sneak a peek at Eddie. "I'm not even here."

"Good, because," Seth answers. But Eddie looks up from the bottle and pushes it away from his face.

"Come on, Bud. You gotta finish your bottle."

"Nnnno!" Eddie yells, waving his hands around and trying to get out of Seth's arms and onto the floor. 

"A little time spent at the Ranger's residence, and now my kid can only say 'no' to me." Seth gives up on the bottle and walks over with Eddie to the kitchen counter. 

"You want to try some fruit instead, Eddie?" Kate asks as Seth puts him in the feeding chair attached to the table. He's still sceptical about how the chair doesn't just fall off the table. But if he mentions it again, Richie's going to lecture him about the 'physics of it all', and Seth is getting too old to waste precious minutes of his life listening to Richie talk about physics. 

"No!" Eddie yells, waving his hands again. 

"See, it's not just you whom he says 'no' to," Kate says, trying to feed Eddie a piece of apple. 

"I don't like that he says 'no' to either of us," he says with a huff, while turning on the stove to finish breakfast.

"Nnnooo!" Eddie supplies enthusiastically to the conversation. 

"Helpful," Kates says while pinching Eddie's nose.

"So, you're not sleeping in then?" Seth asks when Kate takes a seat next to Eddie and continues to feed him pieces of fruit.

"I'd rather have breakfast with my two favourite men, if that's okay." She pulls Seth down toward her for a quick kiss. "I want syrup on my pancakes, please," Kate says as she gives him a million-watt smile. He returns it easily and gets to work on the pancakes.

Breakfast is mostly uneventful. 

Only a few pieces of fruit land up on the floor - mostly from Eddie. But they manage to persuade him to eat most of his bowl. When a batch of pancakes are done, all bets are off. It's like Eddie can sense that the pancakes are meant for the adults and refuses to eat anything else. 

Scott and Richie both make brief appearances towards the end of breakfast.

"Is there no paprika for the eggs, Seth?"

"Your pancakes are dry, Gordon Ramsay." 

"So, what else do you have planned for us today?" Kate asks, trying her best to clean Eddie's face. How he managed to get egg in his ear, Seth will never know. 

"Yeah, you cooking lunch too, Gecko?" Scott teases.

"What are you even doing up?" Seth retorts. "I thought you don't do breakfast, Fuller?" 

Scott makes a non-committal shrug, and Kate laughs. "Okay, but I need to know what you have planned today, so that Eddie and I can dress appropriately," Kate says, picking up dishes on the table around Eddie.

"The weather's looking good, so I thought we could finally do that beach day?" Seth asks, watching Kate's eyes light up. Her smile is wide and beautiful. 

"You ready for a day at the beach, Eddie?" Kate asks him, pinching his baby cheeks.

"No!" Eddie yells.

"Yes," Kate retorts. 

Eddie looks around, confused, and everyone packs up laughing. 

"Has Eddie never heard the word 'yes' before?" Scott says, tickling Eddie. 

"Make yourself useful and help me with the dishes, Snarky," Seth says. "Kate, you get Eddie ready for the beach. And Richie,"

"Already on it, Brother."

"On what?" Scott asks.

"Nothing," he and Richie answer. 

"I'll tell you later," Seth says to Kate with a wink, giving Eddie a kiss on top of his head.

"Okay, Weirdo. Eddie and I are going to get changed. Thank you for breakfast, Seth." Kate and Eddie leave the kitchen as Seth starts with the dishes.

"Don't I also get a kiss?" Richie asks. Kate walks over and presents Eddie to him. Quick as a whip, Richie steals a kiss on Kate's cheek. 

"Hey!" Kate scolds. Eddie starts yelling and hits Richie until he moves away from them. 

"That's my boy," Seth says, giving Eddie a kiss on his head and punching Richie in the shoulder. 

"Physical violence is unbecoming, Seth," Richie remarks as Kate takes Eddie to the bedroom. 

"On what?" Scott asks again. 

"You don't wanna know," Seth starts.

"I'm setting up their date night," Richie interrupts, smug expression on full display. "Seems like our siblings need some help in the bedroom."

"Ew! Don't wink at me when you talk about my sister's sex life." Scott bends over and mock-gags dramatically.

"Okay, children," Seth interrupts. "Dishes first. Scott, I didn't tell you on purpose. I don't expect you to help Richie. But maybe help with Eddie later."

"So, he can sex up..." Richie starts.

"Urgh. Barf," Scott yells.

"Richard, shut the fuck up."

"Seth, I'm just kidding," Richie says, clapping him on the shoulder. "Man, you really need to get laid."

"Richie, for the love of God," Seth starts.

"Okay. Fine," Richie finally relents and grabs a dish towel to help out.

"I'm not trying to sex up your sister," Seth says to Scott, trying his hardest to sound sincere.

"Sure," Scott deadpans. 

"I'm not, really...," Seth tries again, while he hears Richie scoff and sees Scott roll his eyes. "Look, okay. Eddie's been up at night, so Kate’s been up at night. I just want her to have an evening to relax."

"Okay. But you're leaving Eddie with Richie?" Scott asks, brows furrowed.

"Well, I am his favourite uncle."

"You wish, Gecko."

"Can we focus, please,” Seth says with a sigh. “These dishes aren't gonna wash themselves."

"Hey, we can keep Eddie with us today and you guys can relax on the beach?"

"Thanks, Scott. But, I'm already gonna struggle getting her away from Eddie for a few hours tonight. I think adding an entire day to that would kill her."

"Fine. But I'm still not helping Richie set up your date night."

"Fine by me," Richie says 

"Look, Scott..." he starts again. He's trying his hardest to include Scott and speaking about his and Kate’s date night is definitely not helping things.

"I said it's fine, okay," Scott says with a sigh. "You're married and have a kid together. I'm not naive."

"Go help with Eddie," Richie says, shoving Seth out of the kitchen. "We'll finish here."

"Hey, I never agreed to clean up," Scott objects.

"Do you have to fight every decision I make, Fuller?"

"Only when they're asinine decisions."

"Big word there, Scott. You sure you know the meaning of the word?"

"You’re an idiot, dork."

Seth gets to the bedroom and closes the door on Richie and Scott's conversation.  
___________

It takes them two diaper changes and about three hours to finally make it to the private beach close to the house. The beach is a literal slice of paradise - crystal, blue ocean with soft, white sand and no other human being in sight. The sun is out, and the weather's good and warm - even Seth is wearing a pair of shorts. Kate is in full-on mom mode, fussing with everyone about exposed pieces of flesh. Poor Eddie spends a good half hour fighting Kate about wearing his sun hat. 

"You do know we're sitting under a giant umbrella, right?" Seth asks, only half sarcastically. 

"The sand and sea can reflect the UV rays," she says, giving Eddie's hat a hard tug. "Eddie, the hat stays on, okay. On. You understand?"

Eddie nods enthusiastically then starts clapping and dancing to imaginary music, making Kate laugh. He watches Eddie's eyes light up at the sound of her laughter. There's no one who loves Kate's laugh more than Eddie. Like magic, Eddie stops fussing with his hat, and starts paying attention to his surroundings. "Errrr," Eddie yells, pointing at the sand and digging his fingers in. Kid's fascinated by absolutely everything. Eddie grabs the miniature broom that the Ranger's wife bought for him and starts trying to sweep the sand around him. It’s hilarious. Seth could watch him discover the world, forever.

It's a lazy morning, despite having a busy toddler with them. For once since he started crawling, Eddie's content with staying in one place. They play in the sand with a few of Eddie's toys, but he keeps coming back to the broom and trying to sweep the beach sand. 

They're watching Eddie play with his toys; he's sitting behind Kate, legs around her and his chin resting on her shoulder.

"I love the beach," Kate says randomly. "When we get back home, can we please bring Eddie to the beach more?"

"Of course. Kid loves it here. Anytime you want."

"Does it have to be in a RV?" Kate teases, pinching him on his thigh. 

"Hey. I thought you liked being able to sleep on the long drive?"

"I am. I'm kidding. It was very thoughtful. I mean, traumatising, but thoughtful. Thank you." She turns her head awkwardly to give him a kiss on the cheek. 

Seth pulls her closer towards him, loving having her this close. He wants to freeze this moment in time and live in it forever. 

"So, have you and Richie figured out how things are going to work now that you're out?" Kate asks softly. 

"I think that's what Richie's been working on lately," he says with a sigh. "I need to check on what he’s working on soon. His 'focussed planning' can quickly turn into obsessive everything."

"Yeah, he has been a bit distant lately. Do I need to worry?"

"Kate," he says with a laugh. "You have enough on your plate, taking care of everyone else. I'll take care of Richie."

"About that,” Kate starts, turning slightly in his lap but not fully facing him. “Seth, I know I said before that you should help Richie whenever he needs you."

"Yeah," Seth says, trying to encourage her along when she's quiet for too long.

She glances at him and quickly looks away.

“Kate.”

"I changed my mind," she confesses. "If Richie somehow gets involved with Kisa and the culebra world again, I don't want you to go with him, Seth. And I'm sorry if that makes me selfish and a terrible person. But I can't,"

"Kate," he interrupts. He turns her around in his lap until she’s facing him. "Honey, no. You don't have a selfish bone in your body."

"That's not true," she says, looking down and shaking her head.

"It is," he says, lifting her chin, threading his fingers through hers and kissing her knuckles lightly. "You're the best person I know, Kate. And when I say that Richie and I are out, I mean that we're out. You have nothing to worry about."

"I believe you, Seth. I promise that I do. I’m just telling you how I felt. And that is every time you leave, I absolutely hate it."

“Baby,” he says, giving her a soft kiss. “I'm not going anywhere, okay. I promise.”

She seems content with his answer. But he hates that he left them for any length of time, ever. He thinks about a drug-infused fever dream he once had about her, and he hesitates. "Kate," he whispers, cupping her cheeks and running his fingers through her hair. "I'll never leave you again." 

She nods slightly and gives him a small smile. He pulls her closer to him and kisses her again. It’s soft and slow, but soon they're making out like horny teens. He tries to right himself but his hand slips on a wet rock and they fall on the sand. “Of course,” Seth groans and collapses dramatically onto the sand. 

“Dramatic much?” Kate asks as she climbs further on top of him and starts kissing him again. He's about to move his hands under her clothing, when Eddie suddenly appears at the side of his head and starts scolding and slapping his face.

“Nnnno!”

"Ow, Buddy. Easy there," he says, using his hands to shield his face from Eddie's assault, as Kate rolls off of him. "A little help, please?" 

Kate's laughing as she picks up Eddie. 

"I don't think he likes us kissing," Seth says, sitting upright and swotting the sand off his t-shirt. 

"Aw, Eddie. You don't want to kiss your dad?" Kate asks, giving Eddie little kisses on his cheeks.

Eddie leans over towards Seth with his mouth wide open and gets slobber all over Seth's mouth and chin. Seth takes Eddie from Kate, to turn him away from his face, and Kate is trying her hardest to hide her laugh.

"You get too much enjoy from my suffering, Princess," he tells her, wiping as much spit as he can from his mouth. 

"Aw, are you feeling hurt? Can I kiss it better?" Kate teases. 

"Keep your pity kisses. Eddie and I are going to the water."

They try taking Eddie to the ocean, but the water's cold and Eddie won't stop pointing and scolding the waves. They get his one foot into the ocean, and he shrieks in protest, lifting his foot up high over his head. 

"Come on, babykins. You like water," Kate tries to encourage him. Seth tries to lower Eddie to the water again, and Eddie yells and kicks his foot higher until his toes are in Seth's face. 

"Okay, little man," Seth says with a laugh. "I get it. No water this time."

"It's getting hot out," Kate adds. "We should head back."

Eddie cries in protest when they start walking back to the sand, reaching out towards to ocean. Kid can’t decide if he likes the ocean or not.

"Yup, definitely nap time too," Kate says while she packs up their things. "You ready for nap time, little man?"

"Nnno!"  
___________

Seth buttons up his shirt and re-adjusts his tie. He can't believe that he let Richie talk him and Kate in to dressing up for their date night in the pool house. He checks in on Eddie, who's set up in a crib in Richie's room. Eddie is out cold. After only napping the five minutes from the beach to the house, Seth's not surprised. Phase 2 goal of having Eddie take a long nap after the beach: failed. At least he convinced Kate to take an afternoon nap, while they built a blanket fort in one of the rooms for Eddie to crawl around in. It took lots of tears and tissues, bribing Eddie with cookies, and more tears before they could finally convince him to take a bath. He barely finished his bottle before he was fast asleep. 

"Don't worry, Seth. Eddie will be fine without you for a few hours."

"I know, Richie," he responds, giving Eddie a kiss on the head.

"So, what then? What's with the stick up your butt?" Richie asks." Wait, are you... Nervous? Is this like first date jitters? How cute."

"Shut up, Richard." 

"Hey, Seth. Kate's ready for you," Scott yells, walking into Richie's room. 

"Jesus, Fuller," he scolds, checking on Eddie in the process. "Not so loud. Got a sleeping kid in here." 

"Please," Scott retorts. "If anything can wake Eddie now, I'll eat my shoe."

"Throw in a fifty and I'll take that action," Richie proposes.

"Hey! Don't encourage him. And if either of you geniuses wake Eddie before we leave, we're not staying to help you. Got it?"

"Yes, boss."

"Whatever. Your wife is waiting." 

"What's everyone doing in here?" Kate asks, standing in the doorway while she fiddles with her left earring. 

It's been a while since Seth's seen her this dressed up and sexy, in high heels and make-up. Seth knows that he's standing around like an idiot, but she's literally taken her breath away. 

"And that's why I told you to dress up," Richie whispers as he leans towards Seth. "You're welcome," he says, clapping Seth on the shoulder and walking over to Kate.

"You look beautiful, Mademoiselle," Richie says, giving Kate a kiss on the cheek as he walks past her.

Seth huffs as he hears Scott whisper, "Kiss-ass."

"Ready, Partner?" Seth interrupts Kate and Richie's smirk-fest. 

Kate turns to him with a wide smile, and he's like a deer caught in headlights.

"Urgh, the sexual tension in this room is disgusting," Scott says, walking out of the room. "Call me if Eddie wakes. Later, Kate."

"So, you clean up good," Kate says when he walks over to her. She scratches his beard affectionately and tugs his earlobe. "You like the dress?" Kate asks, giving him a twirl, which makes the skirt flare out at the ends. 

"You look beautiful," he says sincerely.

"Thank you," she says with a smile. She gives Eddie a kiss on the head, and they head out for their date. 

They make their way to the pool house, her hand in his like they're a bunch of love-sick teens. He feels like an idiot until she leans against him and rests his head on his arm while they walk. Her hair smells like apples and having her close to him makes everything feel right in the world. 

Richie went all out. He transformed the pool house into a mini-beach paradise. There's a fake tree, beach sand, umbrellas, a grill, a couple of towels on a pair of loungers, some elevator music playing in the background, and welcome drinks on a fancy table. 

"It looks like a beach!" Kate exclaims. "Where did you get a fake palm tree?"

"I think maybe Richie's been planning this for longer than I thought," he says, eyeing all the décor.

"But we're at the beach,” Kate says, clearly confused. “He's created a beach at the beach."

"Yeah. I don't get it," he says grabbing a handful of beach sand around the fake palm tree. "Do you two maybe have some inside joke I don't know about?"

"About a beach at the beach? I don't think so. So, you didn’t plan this?" 

"None of this day went the way I planned. At all. If it wasn’t for Richie, this would’ve been a disaster."

"Oh please, Seth. Nothing can be worse than our first date," Kate says, pulling him and guiding him to sit down at the table.

"We're never going back to that place again, Kate. What restaurant calls someone three hours before their reservation and when they don't respond within the hour, cancels on you?"

"I see you're still angry about this." She's rummaging around him and doesn't sound as upset as he is.

"Kate, the food truck we went to instead gave you food poisoning. I could've sworn you lost your body weight in vomit." 

"Seth, can we not talk about vomit. The food's getting cold."

Like magic, there are full plates of food in front of them. "When did you get the food on the table?" Seth asks, confused. 

"You get so distracted when you get mad," Kate teases. "Come on. Eat your food."

The steak is amazing and their evening is perfect. Richie's grilled ribs for Kate, and she is devouring it. He wipes excess sauce from the side of mouth, and she smiles before sporting that look that screams that she just got an idea. 

“What’s on your mind, Princess?” 

She dabs her mouth with her napkin, stands from the table and pulls Seth over to the couch, pushes him down and climbs into his lap.

"The food's gonna get cold, Kate," he says as she leans in, stopping so that her mouth is inches away from his. Her smirk widens and she nips at his chin, before dragging her teeth along his jar. She bites his earlobe as she pinches his side. Seth flinches then groans unintentionally. 

Kate laughs, sitting up and smiling smugly. "You want me to stop?" Kate asks, playing with her hair coyly. "Or was this not part of the plan?"

He wraps his hand around hers and tugs her towards him. "It's a version of the plan. I thought you wanted to maybe talk first." 

"So, you want me to stop?" Kate asks again, pulling back from his slightly like she’s unsure what he wants.

He pulls her towards him and kisses her firmly, his hands in her hair. "Never stop," he says, sweeping a piece of her hair behind her ear. 

She bites her lip while grinning, and teases, "You sure about that, Old man?"

He loves it when she’s like this. Seth grabs her around her hips and flips them over. "Careful there, Princess," he says poking Kate in her side. 

He makes quick work of her dress, but he's stumped when confronted with what Kate calls her 'slip'. 

Kate laughs as she helps him get her out of her last few layers of clothes but when it's off, she covers herself with the blanket lying on the couch. "Can you turn the lights off, please?"

"Honey, you have nothing to hide from me."

"I know, but turn it off anyway, please?"

"Kate, you're beautiful," he says, getting up to switch off the lights anyway. 

"I just don't feel it today, okay."

"Kate..."

"It's not a big deal, Seth," she interrupts. "I know that I'm a mom now and I have bigger priorities. But I have some days where it's hard to remember that."

"Kate," he starts again, sitting next to her and squeezing her knee. "You and Eddie are everything to me."

"Seth."

"Let me finish," he interrupts. "My world ended the day I thought you died. But by some miracle of God, you made it. We made it, Honey. And I don't care about goddamn anything else, okay?"

She nods and smiles, and for the millionth time, he wonders how he got so damn lucky. 

He kisses her softly, slowly, savouring every touch of her. He tries his best to show how much she means to him. 

"You have no idea how beautiful you are, Kate," he whispers into her ear as he slides his hand up her thigh.

"Seth," she breathes out.

"Yeah, Baby?"

"Shut up and do me," she says with a naughty smirk.

“Yes, Mam."


End file.
